The Encyclopedia Of Smut: B Is For Butt

Butts, dude. They're pretty much the greatest. We can't explain why they're so cool, but we're positive that they are, and today we're going to talk about the various facets of the fanny and how they're worshipped in pornography. Soon, you too will be dirtying your knees before the altar of ass.

Bigger Is Butter

The first culo-quality we'll be discussing is size. It seems like everybody likes big butts, and that assessment has nothing to do with Sir Mix-a-Lot. Look at a catalog of porn DVDs and you'll see movies about big breasts and small breasts in relatively equal numbers, but you probably won't find many movies about tiny asses. You may run into movies that describe "tight asses," but it's hard to say whether or not tight describes the musculature behind the butt cheeks or just the squeeze of the anus. The point is that flatter butts never get the attention that voluptuous ones do.

Why could this be? Any guesses we can make are completely off the cuff and have to do with personal taste, but we think people like watching big butts jiggle, shake, and describe the force that's fucking them; it's kinetic energy visualized for the camera. Also, those who seriously fetishize asses and want to worship them gravitate towards large butts due to their ability to smother one's face. It's hard to feel enveloped in a world of ass unless said ass is somewhat planetary in size. But again, there are simply a billion reasons why bigger is better, and we wouldn't be surprised if they all link back to body fat suggesting health and therefore fertility.

[Above: Jada Fire's big butt is nice because it's attached to Jada Fire. Clip via "Big Wet Asses 8"]

The Holiest of Holes

We just spent the better part of a half-hour trying to figure out whether John Stagliano likes butts or just buttholes. On the one hand, he's known as "Buttman" and his earliest films--the ones that are credited with sparking the gonzo genre of pornography--are "The Adventures of Buttman." The story goes that a clip of Tracey Adams on her hands and knees with her ass high in the air inspired Stagliano to focus on his passion for posteriors. "The shot only lasted a couple of seconds," says Stagliano, "but I knew then what I wanted to do."

On the other hand, we've heard from people that Stagliano is all about balloon knots. This is evident in the blurb for "Buttman Buttholes 2," which reads:

BUTTHOLES: John "Buttman" Stagliano is obsessed with the sight of female buttholes. In this series of intimate clips, he examines the anal ring... and what four gorgeous ladies can do with theirs!

We spoke with a director for Evil Angel who noted that they felt the need to put a lot of images of lady anuses in their film in order to appeal to Stagliano. We're not saying the guy only wants to see sphincters, but it's good to know that you can pluck his heartstrings with a puckering asshole.

Maybe it doesn't matter whether he prefers butts to holes, but the point is that holes are portrayed differently than cheeks in porn. They're delicate little gatekeepers so full of nerve endings that even the slightest smooch will send shocks up your spine. When it's not being treated as an obstacle to anal sex, the sphincter is treated with slobber and respect, as are those who operate them. The butthole is the reason you push your face through the cheeks, it's the surprise at the center, and (with proper hygiene) it's kissable candy.

[Above: Look at Stagliano try to press his face through Jada Stevens's jeggings in "Stretch Class 13"]

Gape-ocalypse Now!

For some, the sphincter is merely the event horizon above the unfathomable abyss of a gaping rectum, and although gape enthusiasts appreciate a fine hole, they're equally interested in the hot red flesh beyond it.

Anal gape porn is pretty common, yet we have a hard time getting our minds around it. The locus of arousal is in the demonstration of an asshole's ability to take a pounding from a thick cock and then stay completely stretched open after the cock is removed; that part we understand, but we have trouble explaining the precise appeal of it. On a basic level, gaping is plain impressive and suggests that the performer has serious anal skills. Another facet of gape love could be the excitement of changing something about your partner's body through sex--similar to the way cuckold porn plays with the idea that your wife's vagina will "never be the same" after she has sex with a strange well-endowed man.

We feel certain that the leading cause of gape fever is visual pleasure. Since porn is generally about images making love to your eyeballs, it makes sense that gaping is an extension of our voyeuristic need to see the unseen. Plus, looking into a stretched-out ass allows you to visualize what "your" cock would physically do to that ass if you were penetrating it--it's like using a speculum without actually using the speculum. Combine that with a tunnel cumshot (the act of ejaculating into a gape) and you may overload your senses with the forbidden secrets of butt sex.

After all, the taboo about asses may be the defining quality that makes them so easy to worship. They're bouncy, tasty, tender, and beautiful, but they also have a dark side to them that fuels many a passion for posteriors. In this sense, it's appropriate that we call them moons.

[Above: Bobbi Starr is the very definition of open in "Gape Lovers 4." All videos courtesy of AEBN Porn Pay Per View Network and Video On Demand (theater.aebn.net)]

[At top: picture courtesy of Evil Angel (evilangel.com)]