A Great Schism In The Land Of MILFs: “Lisa Ann Vs. Julia Ann”

It saddens us to see these two fighting, but at the same time, we can't think of a battle we'd rather see. They both got started doing porn in the Nineties, they both have huge, glorious fake boobs, and if you take smut pseudonyms seriously (like we do), these women are sisters! This is like watching the children of monarchs duke it out for the throne, except with more baby oil and blowbangs.

Imagine if Elizabeth and Bloody Mary had settled their disputes by sucking off a bunch of hunky dudes in the Tower of England. This movie is essentially that, except no one emerges with the moniker "Virgin Queen."

Julia Ann makes a strong case for her supremacy in a scene with Erik Everhard. Like our First Lady, Julia is committed to leading a healthy lifestyle with lots of exercise, and she demonstrates her love for working out by letting Erik Everhard fuck her ass while she does aerobics. Eventually the yoga mat and exercise ball get left behind so they can move to the couch, and maybe Julia's opponents will use that against her, but you can't fault the girl for being sensible. She doesn't want her high heels to rip her yoga mat and she needs a large surface so she can pull her leg up and give Erik extra space to pound her tight pucker.

While Julia spends a lot of the movie wearing fancy outfits, smoking cigarettes, looking all flossy and noir and whatnot, Lisa Ann skips the photo-ops and goes straight for the hearts of viewers. She puts on her finest silk kimono and treats a stunt cock to the soul-sucking POV sex she's known for. Lisa shakes her ass in his face, effortlessly wraps her massive tits around his dick, and lets him erupt all over her pretty mug. Then she goes off and blows four big black cocks at the same time.

Really, it all comes down to their foursome scene. Julia Ann seems to have way more anal sex than Lisa in this film, Lisa has rougher sessions than Julia, but none of that matters when they're together, all dolled up like two wild moms trying to get backstage at a Travis Tritt concert: then it's a real battle. Who has the foreground, who grabs your attention, which ass shines brighter with the glow of baby oil, sweat, and pre-cum? What if one of the girls is trying to ride cowgirl on some guy and knocks him the fuck out with one swing of her tits? Does that qualify as a victory?

It's really up to you to decide who wins "Lisa Ann Vs. Julia Ann," and so we hope you come to some heartwarming conclusion that shows these women the error of their ways and implores them to become best friends. All we're looking for is one handshake between them; maybe even a baby oil-drenched high five.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Lisa Ann Vs. Julia Ann" (store.fleshbot.com)