Big D, little s, and a sharp slash in the middle: those three symbols point us towards a wide world of consensual subjugation where pleasure is found in willpower, obedience, dedication, and a handful of safety precautions. If you're looking for sexual activity that involves the merging of two equal human beings in a pleasant union then you are in the wrong place.
The Lonely Letters D/s
We often use the four-letter term BDSM as an umbrella that covers, well, exactly what it says, Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism; even though the concepts and practices of bondage and sadism may overlap with those of dominance/submission, we'd like to separate D/s from its brethren and groove upon its essence.
The keyword here is control: who has it, who doesn't, how is it gained, lost, utilized, respected, and so on. You don't have to tie someone up to control them and you don't have to take advantage of your control by causing your sub pain. You, as the dom (or domme, depending on gender, if you care about that sort of thing), always have the option to break out the ropes and whips, but it isn't central to the statuses of you and your partner. The only thing that defines who is dominant and who is submissive is the (traditionally written) contract between them that clearly lays out their desires, limits, and goals for the time they spend together as well as the safeword that either party can use to halt the power play--and yes, even the dominant figure needs an easy escape. As Wikipedia puts it, "constructing a proper [BDSM] contract is very much like writing a pre-nuptial agreement."
[Above: Here we can see BDSM expressing every part of its letters in "Divine Bitches: Aiden Starr And Jason Miller"]
The Training of an Ottoman
So what do you do once you've entered into a D/s relationship with someone? Do you then head for the handcuffs and the electric wand and start spreading out into the rest of the BDSM lifestyle? Not necessarily. Here are some interesting avenues for power play that don't require bondage or pain.
· Dehumanization - In order to tip the scales to an intense degree, the sub is treated not as a human, but as an animal, and the human/human dynamic transforms into a master/pet dynamic: this is animal play. The submissive is made to walk on all fours, eat and drink from dog bowls, and generally act like an extremely well-trained domesticated animal--that means no talking, using human furniture, or taking advantage of one's thumbs.
· Objectification - Instead of treating the sub like a human slave or a pet, the domme treats them like an inanimate object. Forniphilia is a type of objectification that requires the sub to become a piece of furniture such as a footstool, a hat rack, or a chair to be used by the domme at their discretion. Certain pieces of furniture require a great deal of bondage equipment to mimic, especially when the sub is expected to bear another's weight and/or hold a difficult position for a long time, but others can be mimicked without any additional props.
· Dresscoding - Yes, even the simple act of telling someone what to wear and when can be domination, whether or not the sub has to follow the orders in public. Some doms make their subs wear collars to symbolize their servitude, some doms make male subs wear female clothing in order to deny them their gender, and others may deny their subs the privilege of wearing any clothes at all.
These tactics all fall under the heading of humiliation, and given that there are an infinite number of ways to humiliate someone when you have control over their entire being, there's no limit to what can be considered erotic humiliation. In this sense, the D/s lifestyle gives rise to some marvelously creative--and ultimately harmless--expressions of power.
[Above: An excellent example of animal play and the master/pet relationship in "Petgirls 12: Her Life As A Pet"]
Humiliation Hurts
Interesting little fact: the parts of your brain associated with physical pain light up when you're being humiliated, so on some level, it doesn't matter if you're being flogged with words or whips. Furthermore, this means that the blissful, endorphin-flooded mindset of a bottom being overloaded with sweet pain by a well-trained top can be attained (albeit on a different scale) without any physical sadism. Just as masochists hunt for the hurt that bridges pain with pleasure, submissives know that degradation leads to elevation. However, just as sadists must learn how to hurt the body without harming it, doms must take care to humiliate with precision and not stray beyond the boundaries laid down by the sub. In this sense, the contract between them is a physical manifestation of trust.
This might sound a little too "Chicken Soup for the Soul" right now, but it deserves saying: trust is the foundation of every relationship. And trust isn't just working behind the scenes of a good dungeon, it's also represented in many BDSM acts. Animal play and age play certainly allow a dom to boss a sub around, but they also require the dom to play caregiver and shoulder responsibility for another's life. We know we said "control" is the keyword of the moment, but trust matters just as much, because a D/s partnership without trust isn't erotic, it's abusive.
[Above: Evie Delatosso sits on a man's face and then he apologizes, such is the power of "Asses Of Face Destruction 9." All clips courtesy of AEBN Porn Pay Per View Network and Video On Demand (theater.aebn.net)]
[At top: Chastity Lynn accepts her collar, via The Upper Floor (theupperfloor.com)]