Frack That Ass Up: “Deep Anal Drilling 4”

Sometimes us porn bloggers feel bad. Not like, morally bad, but like we should've majored in something useful in college. Imagine if we had studied alternative energy! Then we could be the ones doing all this deep anal drilling and preventing the next ice age from showing up next Tuesday. These people are the real heroes!

And we're just writing about them. Sigh. Maybe if we're lucky we can be the on-the-scene reporters who break the big story about Lisa Ann's ass surpassing a nuclear power plant's energy output. Some day, that fine derriere is going to be keeping data centers running at all times so you can stalk your ex on Facebook.

We dig Lisa Ann's role in this movie, and not just in the sense that she's a legendary MILF wearing a cop uniform who gets her ass plowed. The back of the box says, "America's top anal cop, Lisa Ann comes to set for an anal inspection!" and that makes us think of the people who have to enforce Measure B throughout Los Angeles's porn studios. Jules Jordan is clearly not using a condom, so Lisa locks his dick between her tits. When he breaks out of that, she tries cuffing him with her culo. We're pretty sure everyone in Porn Valley would be cool with Measure B if these were the enforcement methods used. Also, the performers should be allowed to jizz on the cops; Lisa has a gorgeous glob of sperm on her forehead.

Melody Jordan gets described by the back of the box as an "anal ballet dancer." We were all set to make fun of that phrase, but then we realized how similar ballet is to anal sex: everybody thinks they can do it, but it takes a ton of training, preparation, and muscle toning to do it right. Also, just like ballet, the guy's job is to be stiff and supportive while the girl does all of the fancy work. To be fair, Jules does expend a lot of energy thrusting his hips at Melody, pounding her pucker with his fat penis, and he always remembers to hold his dangly balls out of the way (because he is a gentleman), so we guess this is exactly like ballet.

What can we say about Jessie Rogers and her threesome with Jules and Criss? Only this: everybody looks so happy.

And really, that's the whole reason for "Deep Anal Drilling 4." These men and women aren't just looking for their fortunes, they're looking for the future, and the work they do here will make a difference for every generation that comes after. (As long as subsequent generations are down with the butt.)

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Deep Anal Drilling 4" (store.fleshbot.com)