Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Cyberskin Vibrating Cyber Suck

We have been enamored of the names of certain marital aids that have washed ashore on Fleshbot West, but none so much as the Cyberskin Vibrating Cyber Suck. Note that these are four separate words, and that, by process of elimination, "Suck" is here used as a noun, as in, "I won't be home for dinner, Mom, Peter Cetera and I are going to a suck."

Read our review of this most wondrous device after the gap.

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We're below the fold now, as the pi-stained raisins say, so we can be candid with each other. Are blowjobs difficult for you?

This device is an open-ended cyberskin stalk. On one end is a narrow, urethra-like opening into which you can insert a vibrating bullet with variable buzzy speeds, powered by a slider on two "AA" batteries. On the other end is a mouth, philtrum, and nose (the eyes cost extra) into which you can insert you.

It's like getting head from Easter Island.

Our test subject reported that he expected the bullet to do all the work.

"The bullet didn't do anything except buzz and make the (mouth) seem electrified," he said. "It wasn't a natural experience."

"Do you think that sex toy companies exist because you don't deserve a natural experience if you resort to sex toys?" I asked. I've found that otherwise exemplary marital aid reviews don't take into account shame as a necessary element of the adult novelty experience.

"It was like I was the last meal after the last meal at a women's prison," he offered (I'm never using this guy again).

"You're saying that you felt like you were being fellated by someone who was being electrocuted," I said.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

"Tell me about the experience."

"I put the batteriies in, stuck the bullet up the narrow end of the thing, put a movie in, flipped around a little, lubed up (lube was provided but not batteries), and slowly pushed the mouth part down on me. I played with the bullet settings for a while, but realized that I couldn't just sit there and let it happen; I'd have to move it up and down."

"Was it pleasant?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, "but weird."

"Why weird?"

(Small children might want to leave the room at this point.)

"Well, a human being will either spit or swallow when you come. This (person) just let it dribble out, and then when I shook it, it went around the room."

"Thank you," I said.

"Can I keep it?"

"Please."

· Buy the Cyberskin Vibrating Cyber Suck (sensualadvisor.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive