Porn Valley (Adjacent) Dispatch: J-Ho Didn’t Chop Down a Cherry Tree, Either

In our scrupulous research, we have learned that excessive porn press actually hurts movie sales, unless the performers are already semi-famous outside of porn. Thus a world where the hype for the "Britney Rears" movies did not translate into actual sales exists alongside a Vivid salesman's (suspect?) assertion that "the Kim Kardashian tape sold over 100,000 copies, so someone must have liked it, Gram."

Join us after the gap for a harrowing look at porn hype vs. movie sales.

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I talked with representatives of several online DVD and VOD retailers, as well as clerks from three L.A. area video stores. None was comfortable giving her/his name because of the complex business relationships their companies have with studios.

"A lot of the smaller movies that come out, the ones that have a lot of pre-release hype in the adult press, don't sell shit," said a store clerk from downtown L.A. "The adult industry is a bubble and (it's) disconnected from the consumers."

He said walk-in customers tend to buy a lot of edgy Anabolic videos, Evil Angel's "The Fashionistas" ("but not the second one") and Digital Playground's "Pirates".

"We sold two copies of 'Britney Rears'," he said, "but AVN said that it was 'Hustler's highest-grossing film.'"

"We didn't sell many copies of that at all," agreed an east coast e-tailer. "The press would have you think differently."

An employee at a California e-tailer says, "You know who sells? Tera Patrick and Belladonna. And they will sell for years. The movies they're in almost don't matter. Consumers respond to the personality."

She added that porn stars are so accessible on MySpace and their own websites that their movies are almost an afterthought.

Belladonna recently told me that, more often than not, people comment on her Behind-the-Scenes featurettes rather than her movies.

"The movies might not be who I am," she said, "but the BTS stuff usually is."

Jenna Jameson is another person consumers think they know, and who industry wags think they know better.

"You read that she's too skinny, she's getting vaginoplasty, her business is falling apart," said the manager of a store in North Hollywood. "Let me tell you something: Jenna is doing fine. The people who buy her videos aren't the ones reading the websites that attack her."

I subscribe to the belief that actual porn consumers - the people who buy DVDs - don't make it a habit to read "adult insider" blogs.

I forwarded to a store clerk a press release I'd received for the upcoming "Britney Rears" spinoff, "J-Ho", which detailed star Renae Cruz' non-existent trip to the White House.

"We had to show our permits and insurance paperwork multiple times for every location here in D.C., and if it wasn't an officer in a golf cart it was somebody riding up on a horse but the Secret Service at the White House knew everything about us as soon as we arrived including some personal information which showed they certainly did their homework", stated (director) Ryder (who also wrote the press release).

The east coast portion of the production took place in and around various Washington, D.C. national landmarks but was highlighted by J-Ho's visit 'to meet the president' in what could be one of the wildest and wackiest porn movies ever produced.

"One of the Secret Service Agents at the White House wanted to know when he could see video clips and pictures from the movie on the internet. I think he wanted to see me totally naked right there because he asked if he could take me on a personal one-on-one tour", Cruz remarked. "He was really cute but unfortunately he ended up being totally professional".

"Would you buy that?" I asked the store clerk.

"Yawn," she said. "Only if it has Jesse Jane in it."

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Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive