DVD Review: “Slime Ballin'”

When "Slime Ballin'" arrived, you can imagine my joy as I surmised that Nickelodeon had finally persuaded Alanis Morrisette and Christine McGlade to come out of retirement for a "You Can't Do That on Television" porn reunion. Alas it was not to be, but the green slime and Toxic Avenger (minus the Toxic Avenger) motif of the boxcover promised great things. You'd think, at least, that there would be fucking in slime. You would be wrong.

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Slime Ballin'

Studio: Metro/Toxxxic Entertainment
Director: Vincent Voss
Cast: Daisy Marie, Kaiya Lynn, Carmel Moore, Lela Starr, Nikki Benz, Sativa Rose, Tiffany Sweet, Austin Kincaid, Ben English, Mick Blue, Steve Holmes, Marco Banderas, Scott Nails

With the myriad porn titles released each month, the nation's porn consumers and reviewers understand that there isn't too much different that can be done with each one. That is why people like director Vincent Voss should be commended for dusting off his high school black light, buying some ultraviolet body paint, and filling the room with dry ice in the execution of "Slime Ballin'".

The movie starts with Daisy Marie servicing a straitjacketed patient in a padded cell. If this is where our healthcare system is going, well all-fucking-right! Voss hits the blacklight and we can see how white Daisy's teeth are.

The randy Brit Carmel Moore is revealed to be a dead ringer for Karen Black in the next scene.

Here is Marco Banderas reacting to a penis pump. I realized during this scene that I don't expect much of my female porn stars. They grunt and yell in porn-standard fashion, and they look pretty, and I'm happy. Why this image was compelling to me is because I believe it is real.

"Slime Ballin'" was fun and competently directed. And unlike "Transformers", in which gadgetry and effects did little to make a bad story better, at least Voss already had the tasty likes of Sativa Rose and Tiffany Sweet to flick the strobe light on and off on.

But the effects added nothing to the movie, and might have even been a distraction; he could have dispensed with Glo-sticks, put everyone in wigs, and called the same movie "Fuck Me in a Wig".

· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· Toxxxic Entertainment (toxxxic.com)
· Buy "Slime Ballin'" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive