Siri, Will You Masturbate For Us?

Oh, if only this buxom, fleshly Siri were our constant companion, rather than the faceless (and sometimes quite brusque) one that resides in our iPhone. We don't even care if you keep track of our appointments or contacts. We'd let all tenuous ties to the world slip away just to watch you touch yourself anywhere. We'd go off the grid with you, girl.

We'd like, engage elbows-deep in a totally sustainable organic farm venture with you, girl, or sweat out life in a yurt in the desert. We'd get all hippie-fied for you, Siri! And we don't say that about just anyone. We'd be truly happy though, right?

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