Top 10 Unusual Sex Practices

It takes all sorts to make a world, as my gran might say. Can't believe I just mentioned my gran on a sex blog.

Are you desensitised to porn? Run out of ideas now you've wanked yourself silly about sticking your cock in someone's birthday cake/a decomposed pigeon carcass/the nasal cavity of a clown? Fear not, my friend. Help is on the way in the form of the following suggestions:

1. Dacryphilia - becoming aroused by tears
Does it turn you on to defile somebody to the point of tears? How about fucking them right in the tear duct, using their tears as lube?
 

2. Pyrophilia - becoming aroused by fire
Would you like to have sex with some fire? How about sex with someone who's on fire? Caution: may result in burns to your junk.

3. Siderodromorphilia - becoming aroused by trains
Do that train right in the sidings.

4. Salirophilia - becoming aroused by tasting salty bodily fluids
People often comment that jizz is salty. Having tasted lots, I thoroughly disagree. In this instance perhaps sweat is more likely to get you off. 

5. Arachnephilia - aroused by sex involving spiders
The idea being that one uses a person's fear of spiders to increase their adrenalin.

6. Agalmatophilia - becoming aroused by mannequins
Perhaps Andrew McCarthy brought this into the mainstream in 1987's Mannequin, or maybe it's been accentuated by the ever-realistic Real Dolls (I really want one, even if it's just to scare people with). Regardless, why not nick a dummy from your nearby clothes store and drill a hole in it? Caution: lube advisable.

7. Ozolagnia - arousal from odours
Mmmm. Smell that cake/pigeon/clown sweat.

8. Urtication - arousal from applying stinging nettles
Ow. Caution: Keep dock leaves easily to hand.

9. Teledildonics - remote operated sexual stimulation
Stick a vibe in my pants and torment me while I'm on the bus.
 

10. Sergeism: infliction of injury to suppress sexual arousal
I've always felt sorry for Hank Moody in this episode of Californication, and baffled by this chick's behaviour, really. But hey, it works for some people...

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You're welcome.

With thanks to Christmas Ape. Follow me on Twitter: @seasideslut