This Bro Didn’t Cum For 100 Days, Bro

Hey bro. You know, bros do lots of dumb things. It's all part of being a bro, bro. But this particular bro might have done the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, bro. This bro right here didn't jerk off or lay any pipe for a hundred days, bro. Sick, right? 

VICE (link below) decided to bro-file our bro here in a new piece. Check it out...

VICE: So obviously I have to know why. Why did you do this to yourself, and why 100 days? One hundred days, dude. Why? WHY?

Rory Patrick: I’d just noticed how jerking off had altered the trajectory of my day-to-day life. For instance, sometimes I’d planned to go to the gym or go on a run, and then I’d say to myself, “OK, you’re going to run, so let’s have a nice moment to yourself before that.” After masturbating, though, I’d find myself curled up in my bed watching television with a bag of chips instead of actually running. Coming was also my primary coping strategy for stress or pain, and that just didn’t seem healthy at all. So when a friend of mine was talking about a group of people that were going without for 90 days, I just competitively reacted, saying that I could do 100 days. I just hoped that the challenge would give me the impetus to be cum-free for a while. 

Bro, if your workout routine is being interrupted by masturbating, maybe masturbating isn't the problem here, bro. 

How did it affect your mood?

After those first four days, things were pretty great. I used coming time to run and exercise. I felt more eloquent. I work in suicide prevention and was aware that I was connecting with people better and was listening with greater concentration. I was writing a lot more than before and taking time to read. It’s upsetting to think that all those activities before were mostly me just feeling like, Hey, I’ve got 20 minutes free here, maybe I should see if there’s any good porn up, which there always is.

Wait a second, bro. This made you, like, a better bro? That's sick, bro. But wait, bro, and I'm totally nohomo here bro, but what was it like when you finally jerked off again, bro?

My roommate and one of my closest confidants had promised to leave the house, so I could be as loud as I needed to be. I tweeted out some thanks, and when the the time came, I was naked and really enjoying myself once again. It only took a few minutes, and the finish was spectacular.

I remember shaking deeply in my core like I hadn’t felt before, and then I proceeded to finish all over my chest with a fury I haven’t felt since I was in middle school. The orgasm reverberated throughout the room for at least 20 minutes. I tweeted out a pic of me smiling and then logged off for a while.

That's beautiful, bro. I'm so happy to have heard about it in such intimate detail, bro. You are truly a bro among bros, bro.

Via VICE