A Double Dose of Crystal Hefner in a Two-Piece Bathing Suit

I think the greatest invention in this new millennium has to be the selfie. I know when I see beauties like Crystal Hefner taking a shot of herself in a bikini, the first thing I want to do is do a selfie on myself. 

Her Instagram feed (link below) is literally on fire. Now, I've heard that Weird Al parody, "Word Crimes," and, yes, I know that her feed isn't in fact burning, but understand please that the English language is filled with hyperbole. It's what separates us from the Brits. Would you prefer we just return sovereignty of our country to the Queen?  

Okay, got that off my chest, and speaking of getting things off chests, I wish Crystal would do the same. I know she has it in her, but that damn app restricts nudity. What are we, living in the Victorian times? Maybe we are still loyalists to the realm. Jeez. What's up with that, America?

If you love your country, like Crystal obviously does, then you'll write your congressman and tell them in no uncertain terms that we demand our freedom of sexpression. Give us nipples or give us death! 

Via Instagram