Beware Of The Unsolicited Dick Pic

July 25, 2014
COLEEN-AND-DAN-SINGER

by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com

I am on dating sites a lot due to, uhm.. ahem.. ‘research’ and work and I get to see how men behave in the so-called ‘wild’ territory where accountability doesn’t play a strong role. While I might have written about how some men might seem insecure about the look of their penis, that still doesn’t mean that men in general will stop sending out pictures of their dicks.

Two weeks ago on a popular dating site I met Mr. X and after a bunch of flirtatious chatting we decided to meet up in person. The date went well, and at the end of it, we had a polite kiss and parted ways. I felt elated - this man was hot, tall, well spoken and polite, not to mention handsome. I wondered how women had not already snapped up this hot male real estate. And then I got a text from him saying he had a good time. Ding, ding, ding! This man was on a roll! He was checking all the right boxes. I love it when men text me after a date to check in if I got home ok, to say they had a good time… anything really, to show that they’re thinking of you. So this was a welcome gesture.

I replied, coyly waiting a good 15 minutes just so it didn’t seem like I was desperately sitting by the phone even though I totally was doing just that. My response was a masterfully crafted message designed to have the right combination of flirtatiousness and nonchalance. And I eagerly awaited his reply. It came almost immediately. It was a picture of his penis. Followed by a message that said, “Now you? ;) “

Winky face??

No wait, Penis Pic????!!!

I scanned my messages to see if I had given him any indication that I was expecting a penis pic. My only clue was my own emoticon - also a winky face. To a horny man, a winky face emoticon could mean anything from “Come over now” to “Show me your penis”. Danggit. Betrayed by a stray, thoughtless emoticon. Thank god I didn’t put a winky face with stick out tongue - ;P - or he would’ve been banging down my door!

So here we were. Me staring at a penis I wasn’t ready to see. All my future fantasy sessions pulled away from me with this one unwanted picture. No longer will I be able to create tordid, sexy scenes with me slowly peeling away his layers to reveal his ahem, throbbing member within. Nope. Here is it. In my phone. In the most unflattering angle ever.

Side note: Honestly, there is just no way to make any junk - be it man or woman - look good with a mere smartphone. Even porn stars need professional photographers to make their goods look great. And they also get airbrushed, photoshopped and touched up.

Thing is, I am not opposed to a good dick pic or two. I mean why not right? But like 10 minutes after he drops me off from a date? Too soon dude! I need to see it in real life first before I see a version with a filter on it. For some reason, men seem to always shoot too soon with the dick pics (hah!). I’ve had guys on dating sites with no profile picture get in touch with me hoping to meet and when I ask for a pic, they give me a dick pic. As if any woman ever in the history of the world goes, “Oh my he has such a pretty penis, I really don’t care what his face or body looks like or if he may or may not be a psycho. By golly I’m going to sleep with this penis!”

Gentlemen… I beg of you. Don’t deprive us of our fantasy. That joy we get out of imagining what you look like under your clothes. Sure, we like hints and winks but not a full on unsolicited dick pic. If we wanted a picture of your penis, trust us, we’ll ask for it. In the meantime, general rule of conduct it, if you’ve just met, no it’s not a good time to send a picture of your penis!

About Coleen Singer:
Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.