This 1997 Cybersex How-To Video Is So 90s, It Should Be A Guest On Arsenio Hall

1997 was a simpler time. George Clooney was destroying the Batman franchise, garish breast implants dominated porn, and R. Kelly was pissing all over the charts rather than underage girls. It was also the heyday of cybersex. 

You see kids, back then we didn't have webcam girls and limitless porn at our fingertips. We used to have to go to these places called chat rooms and find a nice girl (who was usually a dude) to type out a sexual scenario with. There was also no shorthand back then. LOL was about the closest we had, so you had to communicate in full sentences. I know, the horror!

The Found Footage Festival recently unearthed this informative how-to video and posted it to their YouTube account (link below). In it, a nice woman in a Cosby sweater informs the viewer of a few keys to mastering the art of cybersex. Pointers include choosing the right chat room to initiate cybersex, "Seduction Junction" looks like a good one, though I wonder how well this would have gone over in the "New Members" area.

Then it's important to be direct, type something flirty but not too forthright. Our helpful host chooses to open with, "I'm very horny," which is a surefire sign to all the men in that chatroom that she's also not a man. Then it's time to ditch that Cosby sweater and let your tits hang out. I'm not sure why, as there's no visual element to late 90s cybersex, but shit, you don't keep your shirt on while you have sex-- unless you're Gene Simmons-- so why keep it on during cybersex?

Remember kids, this is what we used to get off to back then. This and National Geographic. Yeah baby!

Via Found Footage Festival