Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Love Pillow

A memory stirs: Not too long ago, we were about 400 miles away and 30,000 feet in the air before we realized that the handcuffs - the fuzzy kind - were still dangling from the upper arch of a wrought iron bed at a small hotel whose owner already hated us and who knew one of our parents. Mortification set in, expressed in the need to flush ourselves down the airplane toilet.

But that was then. Now I am ashamed of nothing, especially of easily-concealed marital aids like The Love Pillow. I am Cockzilla. Read our review after the gap. - GP

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The black and inflatable vinyl/plastic Love Pillow is one of those devices that can easily be construed as not a sex toy, and is quickly cleaned of ropy volleys shot across its bow. That said, like the Hitachi Magic Wand or Skin So Soft, the pillow looks like it was created for another purpose before someone thought, "Hey, let's fuck on it!"

That doesn't matter, though, does it? The Navy wasn't thinking "Hey, let's fuck on it!" when they unveiled the aircraft carrier USS Lexington, was it? Did that stop Cockzilla from utilizing it for that purpose? Hells no. I fucked that Essex-class carrier into decommission.

The Love Pillow can be bent into several configurations for deeper thrusting, better comfort, and easier access to parts. Is it better than a regular pillow for this purpose? Well, it's black. How many regular pillows are black? And it's inflatable. And you can also imagine Carmen Luvana using it, just like in the accompanying literature.

One of the commenters on Adam & Eve's website is particularly descriptive, though she doesn't employ the AP-recommended single-word spelling of "blowjob" and sounds a little like The Onion's Jean Teasdale:

My hubby loves using it every time we have sex, I'm afraid we will wear it out! Great for oral sex too, he can get his whole face in my puss and lick every part of me! Not to mention easier on me to give him a nice long blow job! LOVE IT!

Now go out there and get your whole face in somebody's puss.

· Love Pillow (adameve.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive