Forget About The Influence Of Porn. Time To Ban Chick Flicks

by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Erotica For Women

One of the hottest topics these days when it comes to porn is the debate surrounding porn’s influence over those who watch it, particularly young people. 

Are young men demanding kinkier sex acts from their girlfriends because of their online porn viewing habits? Are they toting tubs of vegetable oil with them into the bedroom because they have the latest edition of Big Wet Asses on the brain? Do men break down sobbing when they look at their penises because they don’t measure up to Manuel Ferrara’s prodigious meat-stick?

The whole conversation is getting kind of old, frankly, so I’m hoping that a news story out of Georgia that hit the headlines this week will shift the country’s focus away from porn and on to The New Threat. And what is The New Threat, you ask?

Two words: Chick flicks.

I know what you’re thinking; chick flicks are harmless claptrap, not a vector of poisonous images and perverse ideas that corrupt our nation’s youth. That’s what I thought, too, until I read the story of Christopher Buckner (age 20) and Tim Savoy (25), two star-crossed young lovers who are a lot like other young couples in many ways. 

Like many young couples, Buckner and Savoy enjoy watching romantic movies together, and getting swept away, enflamed and inspired by the on-screen romantic magic created by performers like that ditzy young blonde who played the role of Linda Lovelace in Mama Mia, Mark Ruffalo, or that aging Scottish guy who women my mother’s age (84) still find sexy, even though he doesn’t play charming, witty, lethal, martini-sipping British spies anymore.

Like many young couples, Buckner and Savoy occasionally satisfy their lustful urges by making love in the romantic confines of tractor trailers parked outside of Baptist churches. 

Unlike many young couples, however, Buckner and Savoy also happen to be brother and sister. (Christopher is the sister in the equation, for those keeping score at home.)

According to the cops who arrested Buckner and Savoy on charges of incest, prowling and “aggravated sodomy” (I ask you, for true sodomites, is there any other kind of sodomy?), the couple admitted to committing incest three times after watching The Notebook.

Normally, I’m not one to advocate broad, sweeping action based on a single unfortunate incident, but in this case I’m making an exception. I’m hereby calling for an immediate nationwide hiatus on the production, sale, distribution and public or private display of chick flicks – and just to be safe, on Ryan Gosling’s personage, as well.

Doubtlessly, some will accuse me of fear-mongering and overreacting, but consider this: Fifty Shades of Grey will be coming out in movie form soon, and it’s bound to be rendered as a chick flick, more or less – so do we really want to risk brothers and sisters strapping each other to tractor trailers and flogging each other with bullwhips behind the First Southern Baptist Church in Everytown, USA?

OK, maybe that’s a bad example – but I’m sure there would be a down side to this, too.

For those who think I’m exaggerating the threat, particularly where Ryan Gosling is concerned, bear in mind that sales of the Real Doll skyrocketed after Gosling’s turn as the lovable-if-completely-pathetic Lars Lindstrom in Lars and the Real Girl – and what about all those young men who devoted themselves to becoming devilishly good looking stuntmen/getaway drivers/mechanics/mysterious neighbors/award-winning pastry chefs/whatever while under the spell of Drive?

We’ve already lost two generations of angry-dancing men to Footloose and its evil reboot twin, do we really want to take the chance of creating a generation of sister-fucking, tractor-trailer-trespassing rednecks, too?

You have been warned, America; act now, before it’s too late!!

About Coleen Singer:
Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about Female Friendly Porn, sex, pleasure products, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Visit Coleen at Sssh.com for more sex news, commentary and hot porn for women and couples!