Excuse Me Sir, Is That A Pocket Pussy In Your Pocket?

My college roommate was from South Carolina, and helpfully pointed out to me that South Carolina was the dumber of the two Carolinas because in North Carolina they say "y'all," and in South Carolina they say "all y'all." Well, that theory is baring itself out in new and interesting ways today, as a Spartanburg man was arrested for trying to steal a "pocket pussy."

According to The Smoking Gun (link below), store employee Mary Jane McGraw recognized the thief, Shane Gregory, because he had been in the store filling out an application to work there several weeks prior.

McGraw told cops that Gregory was “acting strangely,” and set off the business’s “security device” as he exited the store. McGraw confronted Gregory and asked him to empty his pockets.

Gregory initially fished out a condom from his pocket, which prompted McGraw to ask what else he had. The employee told police that, “he then pulled a pocket pussy out of his pants.” The item, as its name indicates, is a portable artificial vagina, some models of which are designed to resemble the vaginas of porn stars.

The best part of all this is the police report. There's nothing better than seeing how cops have to translate this story into an official document...

At times like this, I'm reminded of the best line in Zombieland...

Via The Smoking Gun