Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Door Jam Cuffs

Listen, you sybarites: everything isn't a Cone or a Fucking Machine. Furthermore, you don't need to shell out six grand for a Real Doll when a human being is way less expensive (in the very short term). That is why tonight's Marital Aid is simple: you loop it over the door, velcro your willing partner to it, and proceed to Visit the Horror upon her/him.

Read more about the Door Jam Cuffs after the gap. - GP

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(Don't worry - she's not dead.)

Ideally, your partner must be a little bit shorter than the door for this set of sturdy fabric cuffs to work, so there won't be any tying up the basketball team in your apartment. It is best if your partner can stand up straight to allow you full access.

Further, having the subject face the door is preferable to being faced yourself. That way you gain the element of surprise.

"What do you think is about to happen to you?" I asked tonight's subject.

"I don't know," she replied.

"Oh show a little imagination for Christ's sake," I snapped.

Anyway, the only way this package might be improved is to include four cuffs. The two cuffs provided are fine for either ankle or wrist bondage (and I suppose you could tie one ankle and one wrist), but if your partner is feisty you'll require the extra coverage.

(Special appearance by last month's King Kong Dildo, which for some reason the Universe has thwarted me in giving away.)

· Door Jam Cuffs (adameve.com)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive