How Personal Boundaries Vary in Different Cultures

by Coleen Singer at sssh.com porn for women

My partner and I like to explore sex and swinger parties because it’s something we both like to do and it really does spice things up in the bedroom. I’ve found that it’s usually at these parties I’m allowed to fully be myself. I can be as sexual as I want, wear whatever I want and if I want to get down and eat out a girl just because she let’s me, when then I shall, and no one will judge me. It is also at these parties that I can quite literally sleep with all the hot guys (and girls) and no one will get offended, or need me to call them after, feel like I’m not paying them enough attention. In short, my inner slut gets to play.

Seeing that my partner and I are lucky enough to travel a lot, we often try and go for parties wherever we travel to (and trust us, no matter how conservative the country, there’s always a party!). So far we’ve been to parties in Mexico, Uruguay, Puerto Rico, Colombia, Argentina, England, Netherland, Spain and of course, all over the United States. Now I’m not writing this piece as a way to show off my travel prowess. It’s just that I’ve noticed a few things in the way that these parties are celebrated in different countries.

If you’ve been to any of these parties, you’ll know that while it’s ok to have fun, you still need to be respectful and always ask for permission before doing anything to anyone. Yes, most people who go to these parties want to have sex, but some people want to watch, some people might be new to the game - you don’t know their story. And most importantly, just because people want to fuck, it doesn’t mean they want to fuck you. The general rule is, “No means no, “Maybe” means no, “Silence” means no, only “Yes” means yes.”

This helps keep everyone feeling safe so that they may explore more and have more fun. Especially for people who have trouble saying No (me!), these rules make it easy for me when I want to reject someone’s advances. 

The thing is, while these rules were the social norm in the European and (many) American parties we went to, but it somehow didn’t apply in Latin America. I’m not saying that the Latin Americans had no personal boundaries, it’s just that culturally, they’re different. 

Firstly, it was always the women who played and the men joined in later, secondly the women never actually asked for any permission but just showed up and was there and kinda went for it. By accepting her advances, it was considered a Yes. Which, is a problem for me (read, I don’t know how to say “No”). So much so it kind of became a mild problem for me as I would be dashing around literally avoiding women I didn’t want to sleep with. Sounds crass… Again, I mean no disrespect to anyone, this is just my experience. Me not being able to say no, is totally my problem (and something I need to work on).

Another thing I noticed was that these parties we like a playground for the women. They got to prance around, naked, clothed, topless, whatever. They got to explore their bi-curious or bi-sexual side. They got to just be naughty and have fun anonymously. It was beautiful. Mainly because Latin America is very conservative. If the general public found out about these secret parties it wouldn’t bode well for many of these women. So it was lovely to see them so liberated. 

And while I had loads of fun at many of these parties, it’s actually a good reminder for me to not expect the same things I do back home. I do need to work on saying no. I got off easy with that back home because of our culture. But the reality of it is, dare I say, sex parties has taught me how to respect my personal and other peoples boundaries. It’s taught me to stand my ground and firmly (but playfully and kindly) say “No, thank you.” Once you can say no to a hot, grinning, naked latina woman who is whispering in your ear and playfully caressing your nipple, honey, you can say “No” to anything!

About Coleen Singer:
Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about Female Friendly Porn, sex, pleasure products, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Visit Coleen at Sssh.com for more sex news, commentary and hot porn for women and couples!