Outdoor Winter Sex & The Foolish People Who Want You To Do It

Everyone knows that outdoor fuckin' doesn't start until the first of May, yet for some reason Shape (link below) thinks that people need tips on how to make a woman climax outdoors in winter. They sought the advice of Dr. Laura Berman, who surprisingly didn't laugh mercilessly in their faces, but instead provided these helpful winter outdoor fuckin' tips.

Heat Things Up
“The cold is going to be one of the tougher obstacles,” says Berman. “It can restrict blood flow and that can make it difficult for him to stay hard.” That’s why she suggests cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, or hiking to your lusty locale. “These activities not only put you off the beaten path, so you’re less likely to be caught, but also warm you up en route to make things more comfortable later on,” she explains.

Yeah, you're less likely to be caught, but you're also less likely to have any stamina left to have sex. Have you ever tried cross country skiing? It's god damned nightmare fuel. 

Plan Ahead
He’s not the only one that can have some, um, arousal issues. Cold, dry air can dry things out down there as well, making penetration difficult and potentially less pleasurable for you, says Berman. Since toting lube with you will take some of the spontaneity out of your outdoor encounter, she suggests considering an alternative like Replens Long-Lasting Vaginal Moisturizer. This lubricant lasts for up to three days, so you can insert it before leaving the house and be good to go when the right al fresco moment presents itself.

Ah, the old "lasts for up to three days" marketing tool is finally being given the proper credence it deserves. To recap, your dude's going to have a tough time staying hard because of how cold it is, and you're going to dry out before insertion can happen. Is anyone still considering this as a viable way to have sex in the dead of winter?

Get the Right Gear
In the warmer months, you can wear a breezy sundress (sans undies), he can wear gym shorts, and you’re good to go. But winter layers limit access. So Berman recommends looking for clothing you won’t have to totally remove to get busy, like ski pants with side zips (sure, they’re technically intended to make going to the bathroom easier—but they work for this purpose too!). Also, consider bringing along a picnic blanket with one waterproof side so you can sit without getting soaked from snow and slush.

Just look at those fellas up there rocking this practical advice. I will admit that I've seen a lot of sex comedies set at ski resorts, and no one in those movies has ever had a hard time getting their parka and pants off, getting it up, and getting their woman nicely lubricated. Now, if you want to tell me that Hot Dog... The Movie isn't scientifically accurate, we're just going to have to agree to disagree. In fact, it appears to be where Dr. Berman attained all of this knowledge. 

Via Shape