The Fleshbot and VividAlt "So You Want To Be A Pornstar" contest is over and you have not won it. (Unless your name is Krist Sorge, and what is the likelihood of that happening?)
For it was Krist, putting words in his dying grandfather's mouth, who won a free trip to Los Angeles, a personal L.A. chauffeur via real-keeping-it Eon McKai, a walk-on part in cockumentarian Vena Virago's "East Side Story", and a platonic all-over-body drape and spumoni date with Dana DeArmond, the Internet's Girlfriend.
Read more about how Onofrio's swinging lifestyle paid off in the end after the gap.
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Even the bloggers get lucky sometime.
"I wrote this essay where I said it was my grandfather's dying wish that I be in or witness a porn movie being made," said Sorge, a freelance commercial casting director from New York who also keeps a very entertaining music and other, lesser culture blog at The Punk Guy.
"I described him imparting this as we spoke through a plastic bubble," he said.
"You duped both GawkerMedia and Vivid Video," I spat.
Sorge had read about the VividAlt contest on this very site.
"I like Fleshbot because it brings art and porn together," he said, a propos of nothing, especially not the check I handed him.
Because Vivid's servers were overwhelmed with images of Evan Seinfeld, Fleshbot helped a brother out by rooting through the hundreds of contest entries and narrowing the finalists down to a field of 25. Sorge was picked by Virago, McKai, and DeArmond, who had a while ago granted an interview to Sorge via MySpace, a social networking site with which she is vaguely associated.
"I found out I won yesterday, then Eon came and picked me up in his car," Sorge said. "I'll watch the movie today, hang out with some L.A. friends tomorrow, and then be coming back (to this East L.A. studio) for a party tomorrow night."
"That's how we roll all the time, bra," I said, high-fiving McKai over a Me-glazed starlet.
I worried that Sorge, for whom this was his first time on a porn set, might be betrayed by his own body. I worried he might be a candidate for Dapoxetine.
"I expect it to be surreal and un-erotic," he said. Fine. Maybe he casts sullen New York bikini models in Mentos ads all day, but DeArmond is sunshine in a bottle, and even the rocks and stones themselves would start to sing. We'll wait until the exit interview.
If there were to be any culture shock, it would be sanded straight away by Virago, who is porn's only true punk chick.
"'East Side Story' is about how the art scene and the porn scene mix," she said. "I want it to be porn's version of 'Downtown '81'."
"Just as long as it's not porn's version of 'Alpha 15: Reform School Girls'," I said.
DeArmond and Sorge disappeared into an interview area, where both revealed their most intimate thoughts.
"It wasn't until recently that I found out my grandfather was named 'Onofrio'," admitted Sorge to DeArmond. "And he was polyamorous."
"My grandfather's name is Cecil," said DeArmond.
Sometimes the truth is more raw than anything DeArmond can do with all the wonderful part of herself, so I had to leave. A group of children was playing across the street.
"People really do win with Fleshbot and VividAlt!" I didn't say.
To find out if Sorge was able to walk away, check out his site and more from our on-set report on Monday.
· VividAlt (vividalt.com)
· Vena Virago (venavirago.com)
· Eon McKai (eonmckai.com)
· Dana DeArmond (myspace.com)
· Krist Sorge (thepunkguy.com)
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Previously: Fleshbot Contest: So You Want To Be A Porn Star, Take Two