DVD Review: “Jane Blond DD7”

Porn has a solution for everything.

"Jane Blond: DD7" is much better than "Johnny English" and most of the Roger Moore "James Bond"s, and has a quirky sense of humor that some of the cast were up to delivering.

But what if you are a director and someone in your movie can't deliver dialogue (like Denise Richards in "The World Is Not Enough")? The solution: make her naked fast.

Read our review after the gap. - Gram Ponante

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Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Daniel Dakota
Cast: Carmen Luvana, Steven St. Croix, Tommy Gunn, Roxy Jezel, Lacie Heart, Michelle Maylene, Nadia Styles, Derrick Pierce, Will Powers, Seth Dickens

Review by: - Gram Ponante

Jane Blond (Carmen Luvana), works for the Associated Network of Undercover Superspies (ANUS), and it only gets better from there.

She and her boss, Professor X (Steven St. Croix), are bent on bringing to justice the organization known as COCK (I forget) headed by Dr. Cock (Tommy Gunn).

Steven St. Croix is the William Shatner of porn, drifting in and out of self-effacing roles. Here he plays Luvana's sad-sack boss in full Will Ferrell mode, and enjoys a scene with a post-"Atomic Vixens" and pre-Vivid contract Lacie Heart.

That this movie has a B story is admirable, and St. Croix and Heart play their scenes well. Kudos also go to the production for employing current technology - like video iPods and laser-shooting dildos - to move the story along.

But sometimes we have to let things go. Carmen Luvana is sexier than Jesus Christ Himself and twice as friendly, but she is not the ham that director Daniel Dakota needs her to be in this movie, and her lines fall flat (see: Roger Moore).

The feature porn film is the only venue in which gender inequality favors women. The fellows, particularly St. Croix and Tommy Gunn, actually act, and, unless something was very different with this production, were paid less than their female counterparts.

This movie aimed high, though, and was very nicely shot and contained the caliber of sex America has come to demand of Luvana. She has two big movies coming up for Adam & Eve, Ernest Greene's "O - The Power of Submission" and Dakota's "Lady Scarface". I hope they play to her strengths.

As the above-the-line badass, Luvana's best acting is non-verbal. Whereas 99 percent of porn scenes usually start with a blowjob, Luvana's Blond immediately sits on Seth Dickens' face in their scene together.

It's worth a thousand words.

· Buy "Jane Blond" (adultdvdempire.com)
· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive