Overkill: A Legislative Specialty

by Calico Rudasill at Sssh.com Porn For Women

Whatever one might think about the idea of people watching porn at work, whether you find it an inexcusable moral failing, a harmless bit of time-wasting, or somewhere in between, I think we can all at least agree it’s not what your boss had in mind when she hired you.

Personally, I don’t much care how people are wasting time when they’re on the clock; if they do too much of it, their boss should be empowered to hand their lazy ass a pink slip and be done with them.

Have you been spending half your work day trawling through your friends’ Facebook posts, liking and up-voting when you should be toiling away on the latest financial projections? Well, get ready to ‘friend’ people while standing in the unemployment lines, because you’re not doing your fucking job, which is rather the whole point of someone hiring you in the first place, you slothful putz.

I feel no differently about someone watching porn at work; so long as they aren’t exposing other people to it, it’s not the end of the freaking world, but it’s also not what they’re being paid to do. People who watch porn instead of working, especially if they’re doing it to the point where it hampers their productivity, should be fired – period.

Packing porn-watching workers off to serve up to a year in jail, on the other hand, seems just a tad excessive, don’t you think? Pennsylvania State Rep. John Payne doesn’t think so, evidently, since his new proposal (HB 780) would do exactly that.

If passed, the law would make it a third degree misdemeanor if a state employee “knowingly utilizes a Commonwealth-owned computer, computer network or cellular phone to display, disseminate, view, access, transfer, transmit or retransmit a photograph, video or other visual depiction of explicit sexual materials.”

Since nothing in the bill would limits application of the law to the contrary, even if a state employee were to use his or her state-issued laptop to take a peek at some online porn after work hours, the employee would violate the law, exposing them to potential jail time and a fine of up to $2500.

“My hope is that we can put a common office policy into statute,” Payne said, “so that anyone caught using taxpayer-funded resources for this purpose can face the proper consequences for his or her inappropriate actions.”

Really? It’s common for ‘offices’ to punish porn-viewing employees with fines of $2500 and up to a year in jail? You learn something new every day, I guess.

In a memo to his colleagues designed to drum up support for the bill, Payne states the bill is a “response to the recent revelations that Commonwealth employees routinely used Commonwealth-owned computers, networks and email accounts to view and exchange pornography.”  

“Though most state agencies have ‘policies’ prohibiting such use, there is no state law that bans this blatant misuse of state assets or provides penalties for violations,” Payne notes, adding that Pennsylvania Attorney General Kathleen Kane “indicated there were many others who were not dismissed due to contract issues.”

Somewhere in here, a massive leap is taking place, but I suppose we can’t blame Payne for failing to note it. Why not craft a bill clarifying that the Pennsylvania government is officially empowered to terminate the employment of porn-watching workers, but leave criminal prosecution out of it?

The answer might be Payne doesn’t think the threat of getting fired represents a sufficient deterrent, or it might be Payne is taking a page from the old Tough On Crime political playbook, wherein legislators concoct law to “send a message”, rather than to address a problem in a practical way.

If the law passes, is the state of Pennsylvania really going to prosecute offenders? If so, to what extent? Will they undertake a government-wide investigation to purge each and every department of its smut surfers, or will they reserve application of the law for truly egregious cases?

Whatever the legislature’s desires, the prospect of a judge actually imposing a one-year jail sentence for violation of this law seems remote (especially if it happens to be this manner of Pennsylvania judge), at best.

Other examples of third degree misdemeanors under Pennsylvania law include disorderly conduct, loitering and prowling at night time and “open lewdness.” (Really people: Please keep your lewdness in its original, sealed container – at least until you get home.)

I’m guessing the last time someone spent a year in a Pennsylvania jail for disorderly conduct was never, and that’s about the same number of times you can expect anybody to go to jail for watching porn on their government-issued computer, as well.

Of course, on the other hand, it’s hard to anticipate when porn will next crop up as poll-friendly issue in Pennsylvania. If AG Kane is still around when it happens, maybe she will push for the court to throw the book at some unlucky cyber-lecher who isn’t sufficiently dedicated to upholding the requirements of his sinecure.

Of course, it’s also possible Payne’s bill will wind up like a lot of other largely symbolic proposals: Quietly killed in committee, once the media has stopped paying attention.

In the interests of Pennsylvania’s judiciary (people who have actual important shit to do from day to day, presumably) here’s hoping their docket doesn’t soon become a parade of porn fans incapable of mastering the art of using their own freaking smartphone to surf porn with impunity while on the clock.

About Coleen Singer:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about Female Friendly Porn, sex, pleasure products, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Visit Coleen at Sssh.com for more kinky sex news, original movies and hot sex tips