World’s Largest Sperm Bank Moves To Florida Because Nothing Could Go Wrong With That Plan

Cryos International, the world's largest sperm bank, must be nearing retirement age because they are currently in the process of relocating their headquarters from Manhattan's financial district all the way down to Orlando, Florida. This would be more or less a non-news item apart from the fact that their press release states that they view Florida as an "ideal location to conduct research and accumulate new donors." Yikes!  

As anyone who has read my award-winning* column Only in Florida can tell you, not only should they not be attempting to accumulate new donors, they should put their facility on lockdown. I mean, just look at how they've idealized the donor process through their "So You Want To Become A Sperm Donor" video...

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That video featured a Nordic gentleman in jhorts sitting on a hillside, contemplating whether or not to become a sperm donor. I don't imagine, however, that this is the standard, particularly in the lightning strike capital of the world. This will be viewed almost exclusively as a money making venture, particularly for those who go broke over at Disney World, which is just down the road from their new headquarters. 

If you are still interested in becoming a donor, you should fill out this pre-screening form online first, don't just drop by in your camo hat and "Shut Up Bitch" shirt tomorrow hoping to drop a load. 

Via Click Orlando

*Winner of the 2016 Yet to Happen Award for journalistic excellence