Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Big Blue Waterproof Vibe

That I originally attempted to secure my steering wheel with this marital aid should be proof enough of its dependability in and around your vagina, but what features are standard and which are optional?

Read our review of the Big Blue Waterproof Vibe after the gap. - G. Ponante

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There is a statement on the package that reads: "A True Sexual Experience".

Have I been fooling myself all this time??

This device, which looks like a stylized lobster claw, slingshot, or Joshua Tree, is gripped at its handle and eased into your loved one's parts like an oversized blue garnish at a very sexy meal.

For me, the solidity of the Big Blue Waterproof Vibe was reassuring, as I have spent my life on The Sea and have large, calloused hands, like Quint, which often fumble over dainty multipiece sex toys, like that fondue set you got me for Christmas.

While the two prongs, a penis shape and a beaded snake rattle-looking thing, are advertised as "flexible" (that's how my last girlfriend billed herself, too; we saw how that turned out), the effect of putting the more lifelike part into a business associate is much like a novice sushi eater attempting to snag a Philadelphia Roll with chopsticks - one eventually tires of trying to manipulate both prongs so one is left with uncomplicated gestures (or switches to his hands).

Two "AA" batteries are required for the twist-on vibe action, but the lobster claw works well, we were informed, as just a dildo (which is known as an "acoustic" vibrator).

But it still looks like an anti-theft device. Our test couple said, "The streets are safe with this in your pussy."

Utterly unrelated, we came across this image whilst searching for lobsters.

· Big Blue Waterproof Dildo (adameve.com)

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Previously in the MATK: Squirting Strap-On Dildo, The Monkey Rocker, Doc Johnson's Cuddles, 2 Tone Dual Delight, 5-in-1 Finger Vibes, Pleasure Pearl Masturbator, Rabbit Rider, The G-Spot Hot Handle, Heavy Love Balls, Pink Indulgence Massage Wand, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive