Hey, are you a rich piece of shit? First of all, welcome to the blog, and second of all, here are some sex toys you might want to purchase with some of your fuck you money. All of them are high end versions of stuff you can buy much cheaper elsewhere, but why would you do that? You're rich! You can buy anything you want... except the love of your children.
These toys come to us courtesy of Rabbits Reviews, and include such gems as The Royal Pearl, seen above, which carries a price tag of...
If that's just a shade outside your price range, here are some infinitely more affordable sex toys...
Come on, you know what this is for. It's for scrubbing cum stains off of your maid's dress so your wife doesn't find out you have a secret baby with her. Or something, I haven't got a fucking clue what you do with this.
This is called Victor Phantasm, which sounds like the name of a Rob Lowe character from some shitty show that lasts half a season. What does this guy do?