Move Over, Waistbands: Someone Invented a Boner Shield

I've always wondered what it's like to have boner in public. Don't get me wrong—I'm no stranger to getting turned on in public. I'll be on the bus, staring out the window and replaying my last sexual rendezvous in my head or reading an erotic thriller on my iPhone, and I get a little squirmy. I say a quick "thank you" to the Gods of Double-Lined Underwear, and I feel gratifyingly (and privately) naughty. 

But I don't have dick. I imagine getting an erection on the bus or at the grocery store or worse, in a meeting, is a special brand of mortifying. How do you discreetly tuck it away in your waistband without immediately drawing attention to your crotch? What if you're standing up and there's no way to cover it? What if you have a really big dick and it hits someone in the leg? WHAT IF YOU WERE DAY DREAMING AND YOU'RE AROUND YOUR MOM? *Shudder.* I get anxiety just thinking about it. 

But hey! I bring forth great news! A comfortable, discreet solution has been invented by a team of pure geniuses! You don't have to worry about getting public boners anymore, and I don't have to worry about you worrying. The aptly named Bloxers is here to keep you concealed, no matter how aroused you are in an inconvenient location. The promotional video claims to draw inspiration from DaVinci's Dick Leaf itself, and though that may be a joke, it's a fitting analogy. Don't take my word for it, though. See for yourself: 

Bloxers: A Band-Aid for the Boner Blues 

In case you missed that gem of a tagline, I'll repeat: "When life gets hard, Bloxers make it easy." They're made with an all-cotton exterior and a "deflector shield" along the inseam, which fittingly deflects you toward your chosen side. (And if you're a switch hitter, don't worry—they've accounted for that, too.) The shield is partially elastic, meaning it adjusts to any size or shape. Best of all, the team is dedicating 25% of profits to prostate cancer research. 

Happy, Healthy, Hard 

The team is currently funding the project via Indiegogo, so hop on over and buy yourself (or a significant other) a pair or two. You can find them on Twitter and Facebook under the tags #stayhappy and my personal favorite #RealMenGetBoners. So there you have it, gentleman. Go forth into the world and fantasize about whatever you'd like! Don't let your erections get you down. Rise up!