How to Incorporate Porn Into Your Relationship

There's a myth out there that's plaguing relationships left and right. You, sir or ma'am, probably don't buy into it, but your friends or family or (gasp!) your significant other might, and it's no good. It goes a little something like this: Porn is exploitive and made for the wandering eyes of men. I could dispel that inaccuracy with a number of refutes—just as many women love the stuff, make the stuff, and promote the stuff as men do; it's perfectly normal to want to watch other people have sex; there are so many genres, all of which appeal to different demographics—but I won't. Porn is the shit, and it makes sexy time with yourself 1,000 percent more fun.   

But what if I told you that you could use porn to make your relationship hotter, stronger, and more durable? 

Yeah, yeah, I know. Well guess what? YOU CAN. 

Some couples already know this and get off regularly watching it together. They realize it's a great way to understand and explore their mutual fantasies together, that it opens them up to new ideas and experiences, and it makes many of the sexual desires they'd previously felt shameful about seem totally normal. (Spoiler alert: They are.) It's a good way to get new ideas, an even better way to turn each other on, and the best way to keep the sexual excitement.

Some couples, on the other hand, worry that porn could shove a wedge between them, especially if they're turned on by watching things like threesomes, cuckolding, or group sex—but it couldn't be farther from the truth. Ultimately, being able to act out all your sexual fantasies at home promotes fidelity, not infidelity. Let me explain: 

Contrary to popular belief, you can't get your sexuality "out of your system" by trying things out once and then coming home to the nest for "normal" sex. Sexuality may be fluid, but it's also inexhaustible. (Read: If you're kinky, you're going to stay that way.)

I know, I know—if you're reading this, you already like porn! So how do you get your significant other on board, damn it?!? Fear not. That's what I'm here for. 

I'll start with this: I, Colette Callaway, am a woman who loves to watch porn, but I started watching at the relatively ripe age of 20—and I did it to learn the ropes, not to get off. (My, how the times have changed.) You could call me a porn convert, I suppose. It's how I know the process is possible. Because women are generally more conditioned to view porn in a negative light, and most men watch it from a young age, I'll be referring to the convincee as "her"—but for all my porn-loving ladies out there, this will certainly work in reverse. Are you ready? 

Couples who fap together stay together 

If you want to watch porn with your SO, you need to have a good attitude about the stuff. Nothing spurs contempt and skepticism quite like guilt. Watching porn is normal, healthy, and so pervasive I'm not sure why some segments of society are still ignoring or condemning, but—sorry, I'm on a rant. My point is this: Be honest about watching porn. Don't delete it from your browser history or slam your laptop shut when your GF walks into your apartment unexpected. The more normal you treat your viewing habits and the more you include her in them, the more likely she is to develop an accurate perception of porn.  

Beyond promoting a spicy, fun sex life, watching porn together will also add another layer of intimacy to your relationship. All shared experiences do, especially when you're crossing barriers you haven't crossed with others. (Another spoiler alert: That's exactly what watching porn will do!) Here are other cool things porn does in a relationship: 

1. It gives you ideas.
2. It helps you understand your fantasies.
3. It helps her understand her fantasies.
4. Variety is the elixir of relationships!
5. It paints sex as normal, natural, and diverse. Which it is.
6. Porn features many different body types, all of which look fantastic.
7. Which makes you feel good about yours, too.
8. Did I mention it gives you ideas?
9. It helps you understand the nuances of sexuality. It's natural, for example, to love someone but like to watch other people have sex. Or watch them have sex with someone else. Or to like BDSM, water sports, public sex, mutual masturbation, and cuckolding—all at the same time. Does that make any sense at all? 
10. Exploring together is a powerful bonding mechanism.

And yes, you're welcome to print that list out and read it to your significant other. You're welcome. 

Bring it to the bedroom 

The first thing you'll want to do after you've warmed her up to the idea is get her properly turned on. Springing porn onto someone who doesn't already watch it can be a bit like getting an unsolicited dick pic: Unwelcome and kind of weird looking. This part is actually pretty simple: Wait for a time when you guys are making out and starting to mess around to introduce it. 

Some folks feel insecure about porn because they feel like they aren't as attractive as the stars. A good way to show your woman that you love her body just as much as the ladies you're watching online? Watch videos that feature a variety of different body types. It's one of the coolest things about porn—you quickly realize that all people come in vastly different shapes and sizes, and all are pretty damn sexy. 

Think like a girl 

So we already know that many women like porn just as much as men do (ehh hem), but it's important to remember that men and women do think a little differently. While men are more visual, women are more invested in chemistry, so it's a good idea to start with videos that feature a little backstory, or at the very least, the foreplay. (I, for one, am captain of the Team Foreplay team.)

That doesn't mean it has to be lovey-dovey stuff, though. "Lady in the streets but a freak in the bed" is a phrase for a reason. You never know: Your GF might seem buttoned up in real life, but she could be really into BDSM. Two great places to look for porn newbies: amateur and feature films. The more the videos you choose that look like real sex with real people, the more likely it is she'll be into it. Don't let your own insecurities get in the way, either—it's important that she finds the dude attractive for her to be into it, and she certainly won't be any less into you for watching him bang the equally sexy lady. Find a video with a good-looking guy, and you will be rewarded. 

For the girl with a sense of humor, porn parodies can be a hilarious way to introduce her. (I own the Magic Mike XXL porn parody, for example.)

Seal the deal 

Now, this part is important. She's already turned on (good job) and watching a great vid with you (double good job). Now you need to touch her. Not only will this signal your continued desire for while you're watching another couple on screen, but it also feels really fucking good. (Am I right, ladies?!) Show her how it benefits her first. You know the drill: Kiss her next, start slowly rubbing her clit, and watch her body language to see how she reacts to certain scenes. Once you're touching each other, she'll see this as a shared experienced—which is precisely what it is. (Intimacy! Bonding! FANTASY FULFILLMENT! All at the same time!) 

Taking it to the next level 

And then there's one of my favorite pornographic activities: Sharing pictures and videos you like with each other when you're not together. Had you told me I'd be excited to receive porn GIF texts five years ago, I would have thought you were nuts. Now I have approximately 25 of my favorite saved on my smartphone. 

Anyways. Once your girlfriend is warmed up to watching porn with you (and watching it alone), might I suggest another one of my favorite pornographic activities of all? I call it: Sex Tape Inception. 

The idea is simple: Many people, after watching porn for some window of time, like the idea of taking their own private videos. If you are among these couples, there is nothing more delightful than watching your own videos together while you get each other off. It's like coming full circle (heh), and it can help a lot with that body insecurity we talked about earlier. Speaking from personal experience, seeing myself naked on video enough times made me comfortable in my own skin in a way few other things have. Now I love watching myself on video, which is a new kink of its own.

It's also sort of like being under the masturbatory microscope—nothing feels better than watching your significant other get off to you getting off. So there. 

Ultimately, watching porn together is about getting closer and experimenting with new stuff. That is, after all, what will keep sex interesting throughout the duration of a relationship (and even a marriage). The one mind trap you don't want to fall into? The one that tells you sex is supposed to get boring over time, or you and your partner are supposed to want it less. It's a trap that society is feeding you, and I will have none of it.