Illinois Man Steals Vibrator, Tells Cops His Name is “Obama is a Criminal”

I had to read this story twice just to make sure it didn't happen in Florida, but alas, this happened in our own backyard. Cops in Orland Park, Illinois recently had a run-in with 44-year old Christopher Hucko when he absconded from a sex toy shop with a Euphoria G-Spot Delight in his pants. What happened next is a trip into the heart of darkness...

Alright, so not really, but according to The Smoking Gun (link below), once Hucko was busted, he focused his anger not on the police, the workers in the shop, or even himself, but rather on our Commander in Chief.

Police had been called to the Orland Park store by a worker who reported that she believed Hucko (seen at right)  “put merchandise in his pants.” The employee told cops that she had noticed “a large bulge” in the suspect’s trousers.

A quartet of officers confronted Hucko as he left the Lovers Lane store. When cop Anthony Carone asked him “what he had stuffed in his pants,” Hucko replied, “My penis.” Hucko added that he had a tattoo of a cherry on his penis and asked Carone if he wanted to see it.

Apparently the police like their curiosity like they like their obesity... morbid.

A subsequent search of Hucko turned up the pink vibrator “under his boxers.” After removing the stolen goods, Carone reported that, “I asked Christopher how that got there, to which he replied that he had no idea.” Cops also found marijuana and a pot pipe among Hucko’s belongings.

Later, while in an Orland Park Police Department holding cell, Hucko “stripped completely naked” and subjected police personnel to “comments about his political views and derogatory comments about President Obama.”

After being given a Miranda rights consent form, Hucko signed his name as “Obama is a criminal” on the document.

Hucko, whose rap sheet includes multiple larceny arrests, was charged with retail theft, pot possession, and possession of drug paraphernalia, all misdemeanors.

Way to go, dude. Only 47 more misdemeanors and you'll collect them all!

Via The Smoking Gun