Dildo Face Off: Glass vs. Silicone

I did a "Position of the Day" recently about how dildos don't get quite as much love as the rest of the sex toy smorgasbord, and it inspired me. There are two ways to look at sex toys: Enhancements that kick real sex or masturbation up a notch, or tools for helping you get to know your body a little bit better. When you choose wisely, they can be both. (Insert evil grinning emoji here.)

Enter dildos: They help women have G-spot orgasms and men have P-spot orgasms, and when you use them frequently enough, can help you get off more consistently with a real dick. I've been to my fair share of sex stores, both IRL and online, though, and it's hard as hell to know which kind to buy. They come in a million different shapes, sizes, materials, and colors, and the trip can have you leaving the store breathing into a paper bag. (No? Just me?) 

So in the spirit of science and journalism, I decided to test out two very different kinds in the same week and report back. Not everyone is well-versed in Dildo, but even in my preliminary quest, I've found it's pretty easy to learn. I started at the top, picking out two very normal but very different models, and I gave them each a go in hopes of helping all of you. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. 

1. Icicles No. 61

"Perfect for beginners, this elegant glass massager features a tapered tip to ease insertion and a pronounced head that hits all the right spots while the balls at the base offer an ultra-realistic experience."

First impression after opening the box: It's actually relatively small. Like smaller-than-a-penis small: 

First impression upon using it:

Glass might just be my new thing. It's elegant looking, like fine china, except better, because it's not actually fine china. What it lacks in size it makes up for in shape—there are tons of intricate ridges and the tip gently curves up to hit your G-spot. Glass is slick, making twisting a turning it super easy. It's super unyielding, too, which makes it an awesome selection for women who have never previously been able to come through penetration (same for guys and their P-spots.) The only weird thing? Glass obviously doesn't bend at all, and the tip can sort of catch on your pubic bone while it's moving in and out. It doesn't hurt at all‚ it's just kind of odd. 

The pros of glass: 

• It's super hard. Petitioning for "rock hard" to be switched out for "glass hard."
• The curved tips and ridges hit the spot, if you know what I mean. 
• Glass is ultra slippery, so it needs less lube and slides in nice n' easy. 

The cons of glass: 

• It doesn't stick to the floor or the wall, so you have to manually manipulate it no matter what.
• Which means it's not much like a real partner. Not a bad thing at all, but you'll miss out on being able to replicate the movements that worked in your solo session with someone else.
• That's it. This shit rocks.

Next up: Suction-cup silicone. Are you ready? 

2. Colours Dildo - 8"

Colours realistic, harness compatible suction cup based dildos are made from the finest medical-grade, body-safe Silicone and are non-porous so they are easy to clean, and will last a lifetime with proper storage. Firm, yet soft and supple, these naturally sized 8" dongs are slightly curved and heavily veined providing realistic stimulation. The versatile suction cup grips strongly, and also make the entire Colours line perfect for harness use. Measures 8" long. 

"I should mix up the sizes," I said. "Eight inches isn't that big," I said. And really, it didn't look so scary on the package. 

HOLY SHIT. THIS THING IS HUGE. I don't actually understand—I don't own a ruler and I couldn't double check for myself—but I've seen an 8 inch penis in real life, and it was doable. (No, really—I could actually do it.) This was a whole different ball game. It has super human, Hulk-like girth. In fact, I'd bet money this is an actual mold of the Hulk's penis. I tried lube. I tried water. I tried water AND lube in the shower, but it was just too much for me. The Hulk and I will never have sex, because I could not comfortably fit this in my body. 

SEE?!

The size and my PTSD aside, this model was awesome in terms of texture and quality. It stuck to literally every surface I adhered it to (the wall, the floor, the shower, the counter, don't ask) and was almost difficult to pry off, which is great. The silicone itself was velvety and easy to clean, even after my repeated mishaps, and the sticky-outy veins were top notch. I am obviously a dildo pansy, but I imagine this size would be fantastic for someone who's used to the larger models. Those like me can try out the smaller 5" size, which I imagine is actually 5" in length but more like an 8" cock in girth. It's also ideal for anyone who's fantasized about having sex with a Smurf. 

In comparison to other sex toys, I actually prefer my dildos look like real dicks because I'm essentially simulating the feeling of real penetration, whereas with a vibrator, it could look like a Reese's Cup and would still do the trick with the right speed. Actually, now that I think about it, that's not a bad business idea. Anyways. 

The pros of silicone:

• It feels relatively realistic, which is nifty.
• It can suction cup to any surface you'd like, meaning you can totally replicate how you would have sex with a partner in your favorite positions. (Unless your favorite is missionary. Then you're SOL.)
• This means all the getting off you do at home will get you closer to easy orgasms with Real Life Peen. 

The cons of silicone:

• Not quite as unyielding
• Not quite as many cool ridges
• You need more lube

The winner 

In this specific comparison specifically for me, I'm all about the Icicles No. 61. Glass is super slippery, unyielding, and makes a great paper weight when you no longer want to use it as a personal massager. (Just kidding about that last one.) It hit THE spot due to the hard, curved tip, which made up for what it lacked in size. Ultimately, though, the material you choose depends on your goals and how you want to use it and if you want to be lying horizontal or not. Many folks will love the super human girth of the Colours option or will prefer to soft feel of silicone.

My game plan? I use the glass one when I'm lying in bed and just want to get off, and I leave the silicone one stuck to the wall in the shower for when I want penetration to feel more real (after I find one that's just a little smaller). That reminds me—I should probably write an apology letter to my roommates ...