15 Brazilian Wax Shapes You Wish You Had

September 14, 2015
COLETTE-CALLAWAY

I think, perhaps, that the beauty of what it means to be human is best illustrated by our proclivity for creating intricate shapes with our pubic hair. Dexterous use of our opposable thumbs? Check. A bizarre regard for hygiene? Check. A desperate need to always be the most unique person you know? CHECK. Forget rectangles, squares, and triangles. Move over, novice martini glasses and strange round circles. I think we could all get a hell of a lot more creative with our Brazilian waxing, and I've compiled a preliminary list of ideas to get our Pubic Hair Pistons firing. Are you ready? Don't answer that.

1. A landing strip ... with an actual airplane

The more lifelike, the better.

2. Your Zodiac sign

Nothing says "fuck me" like the water goat.

3. Your favorite Pokemon

My personal favorite euphemism.

4. The word "pussy"

Everybody needs a name tag.

5. A geographically accurate map of your home state

A new level of hometown pride.

6. A slice of pizza

Om nom nom.

7. An arrow pointing down

You know—for clarification.

8. A flip flop

Why not?

9. The Hulk

Someone's been doing her kegels.

10. A Rorschach blot

A great way to filter your suitors.

11. Sebastian from "The Little Mermaid"

This only works if you sing "Darling it's better down where it's wetter" while he's going down on you.

12. Nicolas Cage

You might as well.

13. An avocado

#trending

14. Mistletoe

See what I did there?

15. The San Fransisco skyline

Granted, you would need an almost impenetrably dense bush to make these pictures, not to mention several muscle relaxers to handle the pain and a waxer who isn't prone to arthritis, but I think we can collectively rise to the challenge. Who's with me?