If Sex Positions Were Pizza Flavors

You know what they say: Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's good. Coincidentally, pizza tastes good both before and after sex. I imagine pizza tastes good during sex, and sex would make pizza taste even better while you're a thrustin'. The two clearly go great together, which got me thinking: If the gloriousness of sex and pizza are so similar, then positions PROBABLY correlate with flavors, right? (No? OK. Work with me here.) 

Get ready. Because I matched them all up. 

Missionary: Cheese Pizza

Simple, delicious. Difficult to fuck up. 

Cowgirl: Hawaiian

Zing. 

Shower Sex: S'mores

A better idea in theory. 

The Quickie: Lunchables

How do we get from Point A to Point in as few steps as possible? 

Doggy Style: Bacon

The ultimate delicious, DGAF topping. H8ers can h8.

69: Pepperoni 

Because everybody loves it, man. 

The Spoon: DiGiorno 

Supes comfy. Supes easy. No one even has to know it happened. 

The Hercules: MEAT LOVERS

??????

The Speed Bump: Giardiniera 

It's unexpected. It's like, "Woah, how did this happen?" And then it's really, really fucking good. (No pun intended.)

The Rocker: Mac n' Cheese

There's an ass in your face and you don't even have to move. It's winning the sexual lottery.

The Pile Driver: Deep Dish 

METAPHORS. 

The Passion Propeller: Prosciutto Arugula Hemp  

Prosciutto Arugula Hemp pizza is a four-course meal, not pizza, and the Passion Propeller is acrobatics, not sex.