Best of Sex Advice

Hooter girl follies, nasal orgasms, immaculate conception, anal vodka shooters ... you know, there's only so much kids should learn about sex from their parents, which is why the inboxes of today's intrepid sex columnists are filled with questions about dick length, breast size, and assorted amusing misconceptions concerning basic tenents of human sexuality. Good thing, too, or we wouldn't have any material to use for our (very occasional) Best of Sex Advice roundups and you'd be looking at an empty space right now. More after the jump.A. Tolesco

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Netscape Love & Personals, Ask Dr. Susan:
I'm 30, she's 20, we met a year and a half ago and were married a half year later. I'm in the Navy and make decent money. She works at Hooters--I know: big problem. She moved out only a few months after we married, even though the night before she left she made me promise I would always be there for her. She keeps sending mixed signals and I don't know what to think anymore. One time she will call and say how much she misses me and wishes things would work out. Then the next time she will be cold and not even let me hug her. She said she still has feelings and this is hard on her. Most of her stuff is still in our apartment, she still wears her ring and wouldn't sign the divorce papers when I had them drawn up, but she is the one who said she wanted a divorce!

I'm pretty sure she's seeing this other guy but I don't get it. He is fat, out of shape, only has a part time job, no car, sleeps on his friend's couch, got out of jail recently, didn't graduate high school, etc. A real loser, but she's always with him. Our problems began when she started hanging out with a group of people who told her she was too young to be married. She started drinking and getting high every day, and she completely changed. When she calls and is messed up, all she wants to do is fight, but when sober she is the woman I married and still love. Is it worth it to try and wait this out or in your experience is there no chance of reconciling? Any advice on what I need to do to reverse this process?

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iafrica.com, love & sex advice:
Is you nose, sinus somehow linked to your sexual organ (penis). I read this article in the newspaper, called sex slave, where a couple used vaigra, and one of the side effects of this drug is that it builds up mucas and the nostril was called a secondary sexual organ. Whenever I climax, my nose tends to close up, and I always thought it was because of the intensity of my orgasm. Is the female also linked in this manner, if it is linked some how?

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All Sex Advice, Expert Advice:
me and my fiancee tried anal sex for the first time yesterday and it was so great i had a orgasm real quick. we are also trying to concieve we have been trying since last june i stopped my birth control shot depo last june when my soon to be brother inlaws girl friend got preg and that made me feel like i wanted a nother baby to me and my fiancee have a almost 4 yr old he never got the chance to be with me in the pregnancy bc i didnt know where he was at the time. my question is is there a greater risk for a women to get preg having anal sex? me and my fiancee have lived to gether for over a year so i know he dont have no stds or infections.. we have tried to have anal sex in the past but it hurt so much i guess we tried it on a wrong position at the wrong time. my fiancee had nose surgery this past week so we have had to make love him standing up and my knees resting on the sofa.so it was easier to start anal sex it didnt hurt that much i just had him sit in my anal for a few mins to get my @zz comfortable but now its so great we have one of those egg vibrator i put up my @zz every time we want to fuc in the anal to make if feel good b4 we have anal sex. i didnt think i would like anal sex but i do now

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Pucker Up, Anal Advisor:
My husband and I routinely do anal play together, and he is tempted to try pouring alcohol into my ass, like wine or vodka. Is it possible to get drunk by ingesting alcohol through one's ass? Are there any implications from putting alcohol in one's ass?

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Men.Style.com, Forums sex ed.:
So I had sex ed last year in school, bt i have a few more in-depth questions..

1) Okay so last night was my first time getting head sober, and i was just wondering what is a guy supposed to do with his hands while this is happening. I know it's bad to push there head down, so there was none of that, but all i was doing was rubbing her arm. Is there anything else to do other than rubbing her breasts?

2) What should you do...i mean if you're just sitting there (like i was) its kinda awkward, i mean its silent and she's just doing her thing. Should a guy make groaning noices or something? Or tell her how good she is? Some feedback from experienced guys/women would be goood. Okay and a bit graphic but, when i went, she swallowed it ALL. I was almost gagging i was just like holy shit. I kissed her on the cheek and then she went to the washroom (to clean out her mouth i suppose)..and then she came back and was like do you want to go back (as in back to the bedroom or go watch tv) and i was like its up to you. And she said lets just watch tv or a movie and so i ended up not returning the favour. I felt pretty bad about that but i'm also nervous about going down on her because I skipped that step, i've fingered and had sex but never gone down on a woman. Maybe she thinks it's my term to do her tonight... Ok so after that we're watching the glass house and she leans in for a kiss. I hesitate because, you know, i don't really want to kiss someone that just sucked me off. She says don't worry i cleaned up, so then we start making out and i couldn't help but be disgusted by it... but anyways i tried to avoid kissing her and we snuggled. I then looked her in the eye (planning to tell her i love her) and i pussyed out. Shes like whats wrong? and i look at her for anohter 5 seconds, jsut staring into her eyes, and in a nervouis voice i say "i love you". It was pretty pathetic and i regret saying it.

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Redbook, Let's Talk About Sex:
I have a serious problem! Recently my husband has been all over me in front of our 16-year-old son. In full view of our son, my husband will squeeze my breasts, my butt, etc. Yesterday he reached up my mini skirt and pulled my thong down to my knees. My son was so embarrassed he was almost in tears. How do I deal with the newfound attention and affection that I get from my husband, which I love and which has vastly improved our sex life, while saving my son from the embarrassment?

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Pottymouth.org, The WetSpot:
Got a question about penis size?

The Wetspot will not answer any more questions regarding the legnth, width, or breadth of your penis. We get this same question over and over. We give the same response over and over. And we are bored of it. If you have concerns about the size of your penis see the articles called Penis Englargement or Penis Size. If you break this Wetspot rule you will recieve the following response:

Your penis is far to small to be of any use to anybody.

This response, in addition to being a baldfaced lie, will serve as a crushing blow to your manhood.