I Never Felt Safer Than When I Was At A Sex Party

by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples

When I speak to ‘straight’ girlfriends about private sex, Lifestyle or any kind of alternative party that involves sex, they shudder at the thought of it. They think of the night clubs they go to and the men they have to put up with there; then they apply the behavior of these men to the behavior of the men at the private parties I go to. I can see what they’re thinking. It sounds horrid. It is horrid - if men at sexy parties behaved the same way men did at regular parties/nightclubs. 

“The shit that some men pull at regular parties would most certainly get them thrown out of sex parties.”

People don’t believe me when I say this. But it’s true. Nonconsensual ass grabbing, aggressive cruising, saying whatever bullshit you can to get a girl to bed, spiking drinks etc etc. Uh, no. That shit don’t fly. 

That said, I have been to public sex clubs (where they usually let anyone in) mostly full of single men who cross the line into being creepy. I never go there unless its for research. It’s so not my crowd. I hardly ever go to regular nightclubs either, preferring house or private parties, so yeah, that applies to my taste in sex parties as well.

Back to the private sexy parties I attend. Men who go to private parties know that respect + consent are key at these parties. They don’t touch without permission, they approach you with respect and for the most part, they don’t cruise aggressively. I know that if I were to walk around topless or even naked, no one is going to take that a cue to tweak my nipples without my permission, or that I’m down to have sex with them. No one is going to think that I am a slut because I just masturbated on a sofa while people watched. My sexuality is encouraged, respected and normal. Getting too drunk, or taking drugs aren’t encouraged either, and if someone does get sloppy drink, they’re escorted out. So I don’t have to worry about that kind of trouble either. Also, I don’t have to worry about having to call anyone the next day, or wonder why he didn’t call me, or any of the usual stuff that goes on IRL. 

I’m not saying that people don’t ever have any bad experiences at sex parties. I’m sure in the heat of the moment you could end up in an orgy that if you were allowed to think about a little you would probably say ‘no’ to (it happened to me, but after a few minutes of getting finger fucked by a guy I wasn’t too keen on, I snapped back to reality and politely untangled myself from the group - no one was offended, and I just went back to having fun on the dancefloor). Sure that happens. Shit can happen anywhere.

That requires me being able to negotiate my boundaries better. Not worrying that it won’t be respected. There is a difference. At regular parties I worry that someone might have spiked a drink, flirting too much and being thought of as a slut, someones I have to negotiate some dudes jealous or possessive feelings over me because I was talking to him and now I’m talking to someone else. I worry that someone else now thinks I ‘owe’ him something cuz he got me a drink. ARGH! It’s endless.

Many times I go to sexy parties and just have fun. The people are almost always more interesting and seem to have a better sense of self because they had to sit and think about their boundaries. I don’t have to fuck. Any expression of sexuality is accepted, just make sure you tell people, “Oh I’m here to flirt and make out!” “I’m just watching today,” whatever. Then the other party has a choice if he/she wants to stick around or not. 

I feel in control and safe. Am I saying that being sexually open or positive makes you a better person? LOL! Maybe I am! Maybe we’ve been doing it wrong all this while. But at least try it out for yourself before passing judgement.

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film maker and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com and a film producer at BDSM site, Wasteland.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

 
Visit Coleen at Sssh.com for more kinky sex news and original movies for Women and Couples.