Stupid Sexy: The Worst Ever Halloween Costumes

Halloween is only five days away, and you (yes, you) probably still don't have a costume. (That's OK—anyone who says they have their shit together is lying to you.) While many of us stopped trying to look hot on Halloween in college, costumes labeled "sexy" are a rite of passage. I can remember several regrettable costume decisions I made in my younger years, including a "Sexy Princess Peach," a "Sexy Mrs. Clause," and a "Sexy Boxer" I decided to sport at various parties where they served punch straight out of coolers. (I was also a giant, spherical pumpkin once, but I digress.)

Regardless of when—and if—we decide to put down the Spandex in favor of clothes that cover more than 25 percent of our skin or not, the market for sexy costumes is still massive. And while I can certainly get behind the vast majority of them, there are some that never, ever should have happened. Some of these costumes are hilarious, some are disgusting, and some are downright wrong—so I naturally rounded all of them up for viewing pleasure. Enjoy. 

1. Sexy Pig 

If I see anyone out wearing this on Halloween, I'm going home and locking my door. 

2. Sexy "The Dress"

For the love of god, can this be over yet?!

3. The Sexy Mammogram

Guys get all the good costumes. 

4. Sexy Donald Trump 

This is truly fantastic. My only regret is the smugness Trump probably feels upon seeing this. 

5. The Sexy Human Centipede 

WHY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US.

6. Sexy Nemo

Must we defile every lovable children's character? 

7. Sexy Cecil the Lion

I'm just wondering what asshole was like, "I have an idea! Why don't turn a beloved, murdered animal and pair it with stilettos?"

8. Franzia Man

I can't even hate on this one. It's brilliant. 

9. Sexy Pizza

I mean. I would wear this. 

10. Sexy Bert and Ernie 

.......

11. The Shocker

Heh. Hehehehe.

12. Walking Sex 

Would be incredible if this guy got laid while wearing this. 

13. The 69 

Finally! Another purpose for your sex doll! 

14. Sexy Jiminy Cricket

Just a refresher—this is what Jiminy Cricket looks like: 

Need I say more? 

15. Sexy (?) Dick n' Balls

The only downside to this costume is that you would have to stay together at all times. I imagine seeing a singular ball running about is very disconcerting.