I Suck at Sex Toys: Adam & Eve Couple’s Power Cage

So, I have a confession to make. I suck at sex toys. I've spent the bulk of my adult life terrified of them, but all of that is about to change. In my new column I Suck At Sex Toys, I'll be attempting to conquer some fears and hopefully help you to conquer some of yours.

I know this is going to come as a shock and disappointment to all the ladies out there, but I'm attached. Yeah, it's a real tragedy, I know, but we'll all just have to pick ourselves up and keep going. I must admit that there was a twinge of disappointment in my lady friend's voice when she read the first few editions of this column and discovered that I was spending a lot of time masturbating into sex toys when she wasn't around. Needless to say, I wasn't going to be able to keep her at bay much longer, and so we come at last to the first couple's sex toy I've ever tried...

Adam & Eve Couple's Power Cage

From the expert designers at Adam & Eve comes a cage that’ll give you both something to moan about. The Couple’s Power Cage is made from super-soft and stretchy TPR, so it fits his erection comfortably. He’ll notice a major boost in support that lets him go longer and stronger. What’s more, the ball strap adds extra support and keeps the cage in place, so you can go totally hands-free. 

Want to really amp up your experience with the Couple’s Power Cage? Press the button on the removable bullet vibrator. You’ll both feel the good vibes buzz throughout the cage – and she’ll appreciate all that power concentrated in the nubby clitoral tickler. Keep pressing to explore all 3 speeds of vibration. The Couple’s Power Cage comes complete with a set of LR44 batteries, so you can play together right away. (Find more wherever watch batteries are sold, or order replacements right from Adam & Eve.) You can remove the bullet from the cage for pinpoint teasing and foreplay. 

The word cage conjures images that aren't exactly sexy whether they're of this variety...

Or this variety...

But either way, I have to admit that the word cage had me worried. I wasn't sure how rigid the appliance was going to be, but it's actually quite comfortable... well, mostly comfortable, but we'll get to that later.

I suppose that most of the confusion surrounding this product is based around how to wear it. As this picture shows, the bullet vibrator rests against the man's balls, but that seems a bit counter-intuitive when the holster for the bullet is dubbed the "nubby clitoral tickler." That would seem to indicate that this should be rotated, with the bullet on top of the base of the shaft, so that it hits the woman's clit as the man goes inside. The whole endeavor is far more confusing than it really should have been.

The "ball strap" was probably the most dysfunctional part of the whole cage, and this would be a good time for an anatomy lesson for the folks who created this. 

You may not be aware of this but the average ball sack contracts as orgasm approaches. This means that the rubber band sized strap designed to go around the man's balls, which barely stayed put when they were fully relaxed, can potentially fly off and smack you in the dick. Thankfully this didn't happen to me as I had more or less abandoned it by the time contraction began, but we'll get there. 

There's no lube included in the package, but even I'm smart enough to know by now to use lube. I used lube to put on the apparatus and then lubed it up thoroughly so it would go inside my lady's business with ease, otherwise...

We started with the bullet on top to hopefully hit her button as I thrusted. It didn't really work all that well. In fact, to work effectively, it would have required a full thrust in by me followed by a holding pattern where I allowed the bullet to work. This got tedious fast and I ended up using the bullet with my hand, which proved to be much more efficient for both of us. 

Overall, this product is a perfect example of great idea, not so great execution. It's not a terrible product, and if your woman has a clit like Chyna, it may be able to work as intended. To be honest, it didn't do much for either of us. It wasn't uncomfortable in the least, except for that ball strap, but that's more or less optional anyway.

If you want to use it with the bullet against the base of your balls, it works fine for that I guess, I just honestly don't see the point. This feels like a "Your Mileage May Vary" kind of product that might work like gangbusters for some and do nothing for others. I hate to admit that I'm part of that latter group, but it appears as if I am. 

Rating: 3/6 on the flaccid to erect scale