Only in Florida: Pour Some Ketchup on Me!

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

If you've ever set foot in a Johnny Rockets, you know how impossible it is for a chain restaurant to package nostalgia. You also know that anything can happen, and for one South Beach Johnny Rockets, that anything goes by the name of Angelic Valle...

According to Cosmopolitan (link below), Angelic lost her mind inside the restaurant late last week and did a handful of things that should never be attempted in public, let alone in a place purported to be a family restaurant.

Witnesses told Miami Beach police a topless Angelic Valle turned over tables and chairs at burger joint Johnny Rockets earlier this month, then removed the bottom of her bikini before climbing on the table and pouring the ketchup on herself. At one point she is also reported to have "placed a steel chair leg into her buttocks."

Onlookers said she began to perform a kind of dance while she still lay prone on the table. (They did not clarify how she managed to dance while "laying prone" because that does seem rather contradictory, but then, anything is possible in Florida.) One patron told police he grabbed a chair to make a barrier. Other male diners encircled her and waited for police.

Valle was gone when officers arrived — having told onlookers to "look me up on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook," per Miami news site Local10; she even returned to the scene, clothed, to pick up her bag and a towel before police had made it to the scene. Twenty-three-year-old Valle was later arrested Thursday on charges including incitement to riot and "lewd and lascivious" conduct; she did not respond to a telephone message left for her Friday.

Nor do I think she'll ever. This is "I don't leave the house anymore" level shit.

Via Cosmopolitan