Morrissey’s Writing About Sex Is Bad Enough To Win An Award

Sex And Writing About Sex Can Be Really Bad At Times

Writing is a tough profession that is filled with lonely days and nights, constant self-doubt, and tons and tons of rejection. So, if that rare moment occurs when someone recognizes your work by giving you an award, you might be so happy that you don’t know what to do with yourself. And of all the awards one could win, the Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Award might not be at the top of your list. This year the award went to everyone’s favorite singer, Morrissey!  

You’re probably like “Hey, I didn’t know Morrissey wrote a book!” and I hear you because even I didn’t know Morrissey wrote a book, but he did and it’s apparently terrible. List of the Lost is about a 1970s Boston relay team in Boston that accidentally kills a demon, which ends up cursing the team. In the book there a few sexy moments and instead of trying to describe the action, I’ll just let Morrissey do it:  

"...with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement" 

Well, if that didn’t get you turned on, here are a couple of the other nominees:  

The Martini Shot by George Pelecanos 

“She stroked my pole and took off my briefs, and I got between her and spread her muscular thighs with my knees and rubbed myself against her until she was wet as a waterslide.”  

Fear of Dying by Erica Jong  

“He opens my silk robe and touches my c--- as if he were Adam just discovering Eve’s p----”.  

Book of Numbers by Joshua Cohen  

“Her mouth was intensely ovoid, an almond mouth, of citrus crescents. And under that sling, her breasts were like young fawns, sheep frolicking in the hyssop – Psalms were about to pour out of me.”  

Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff  

“Lotto … the most abstract imaginings of a girl – footprints of a sandpiper like a crotch, gallons of milk evoking boobs”.  

Wow, that’s all some super sexy writing, I’m talking EL James sexy writing. The only thing missing is someone biting their lower lip.  

Sadly, Morrissey wasn’t able to attend the 23rd annual Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Award, but surely he will put this award on his mantle. No doubt, it will encourage him to keep writing.

Via The Telegraph