by Coleen Singer Porn For Women and Couples

First let me clarify. I don’t mean using an online dating website, I mean using the phone app, Tinder. And I don’t mean I want to replace actual dating with only flirting on Tinder, I mean using Tinder to find people to meet instead of meeting people organically at a bar or club, or however else one meets a person to date. Also, I’m not getting paid by Tinder to write this article. These are just my own observations. I bring this up because lately I’ve been doing both - going on Tinder to find dates and meeting people organically. And to be honest it might come as a surprise - seeing that there are so many articles on just how ‘crap’ our dating scene is currently because of dating apps - I prefer meeting people to date through Tinder. Yep I said it!

Tinder FTW

I’m not knocking meeting people in real life. Really I’m not. However, comparatively, in the months that I have been both dating on and offline, I’ve met over 15 people through Tinder. Some of these men have become my lovers, some ended up as friends, some didn’t work out and two ended in some weird drama. At the same time, I’ve gone on dates with guys I’ve met organically, wait for it..one time.Not from the lack of trying I can tell you. Just somehow I find the whole, “Not sure if he’s single?”, “Is that girl with him his date or his friend?”, “Should I talk to him?” etc etc just so much effort. When I do meet someone and we get to talking it’s nice. Of course it’s nice.But at 100% of my Tinder dates I knew that the guy wanted to meet me. That he was either single, or in an open relationship. That he set aside time in his schedule to come out and meet me. For the most part it was always interesting and fun, at its worst it was just so-so.

You’re not doing Tinder right

The complaint I always get from friends who ventured on to Tinder and quickly gave up, is that it felt ‘superficial’. It’s a quick swiping left or right, depending whether you found the person attractive or not. It felt, ‘judgy’. One doesn’t know anything about these people.Just to be clear:Let’s not pretend we’re not mentally swiping left or right on people we see in real life. Because that’s exactly what we’re doing.It’s not like we meet people on the street and they come with a set of ‘personal details’ instantly matching you with them. Sure some people might not do well in photographs but in person might be able to charm your socks off. There there is the instant gratification of being able to talk to said person immediately instead of having to have a quick chat and then set a time and date to meet ala Tinder. I get it, meeting people organically rocks.But the way I see it Tinder only adds an extra element to meeting people - that of patience.

It’s not the same as a dating site

I feel the trouble with Tinder is that people tend to use it as they would a dating site. I find dating sites cumbersome and oh-so-old fashioned. My preference in dating would be Tinder - meeting through friends - organically meeting - staying single and celibate - using a dating site. Which is just another way of saying I hate using dating sites. I’ve been on a few and just filling out my profile has already bored me to death. The whole appeal of Tinder is that it mimics meeting people in real life. It’s quick and easy. It relies on your snap judgement - or if you’re like me, your skill in noticing the little details that give you clues to a person’s personality (somewhat). I don’t care for profiles that have too much information. No one reads that shit. Really. I am not here to find out everything about you just through a few photos. Let’s see if we can stand to look at each other, show me you have a sense of humor through some silly photos (remember though, never go full retard) or a witty one liner, put your height in there (not weight, don’t be weird) and then let’s meet in real life to hash out the rest of it.It’s clean, simple and maybe even a little lazy. Maybe a little rooted in ‘fear of putting myself out there’. Or maybe at my age, I can’t be bothered to play the dating game. Can’t be bothered to doll myself up and compete with a bunch of other people in a bar to see which person can catch the attention of said male. Or female. Whatevs. So in the dating world, I chose Tinder. And Tinder, chooses me.

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film maker and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com and a film producer at BDSM site, Wasteland.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

 
Visit Coleen at Sssh.com for more kinky sex news and original movies for Women and Couples.