Want an Orgasmic 2016? Here Are Your Sexual Resolutions

Tired of reading articles telling you to "be more spontaneous" and "try new positions" in the new year? Hey, me too! That's why I've put together this article for all our dear Fleshbot readers with legitimate (albeit odd) ways you can make the next year of your life more sexually exciting. As I always say, life is too short not to have great sex. 

Let's do this. 

Stop worrying because you didn't shave 

This also applies to showering and wearing makeup and putting in your hair implants or painting your toenails or I don't know, anything else you stress about when sex comes up. The secret of life is that you're never going to have your shit together, and restraining your joyful moments to time when you feel like you do is the ultimate fun sucker. If that person is going to be weird about fucking you because you're not Scorched Earth down there, they probably suck. Let them be weird. 

Try out butt stuff 

I'm talking to you Penis Havers, too. When done correctly, it feels amazing for both parties, and you're not doing either one of you favors by being "ew-y" about an orifice that's exactly one inch from the rest of your genitalia. Sex is sweaty and messy and gross. Embrace it. 

One orgasm a day, no excuses

There is an ever-increasing wealth of research proving that one of the best things you can do for your health is have consistent orgasms, and there's also something to be said for saying, "Fuck it," once a day and putting yourself and your happiness first. There's another plus, too: Most of the time, we watch porn or fantasize while we masturbate, which helps you get to know yourself sexually. 

Go to a sex club 

I know, I know. It might seem radical or niche or fetish-specific, and if you've never considered a more inclusive dynamic with your S.O., it might sound out of the question. But trust me on this one: Opening up those boundaries a bit can reinvigorate your sex life like you'd never imagine. 

Take your S.O. to a strip club

Same thread, different dynamic. Strip clubs are objectively awesome, and though it sounds weird, it's kind of amazing to watch your boyfriend or girlfriend or partner get danced on by a naked person. (Bonus points if you two go to a male and female strip club, for all my progressives all there.) 

Try flavored lube 

YOU GUYS. I LOVE THIS STUFF. 

Get caught

Some of my favorite sexual memories happen in places I could (or have) been caught: Bar bathrooms, trucks, beaches, parents' houses, movie theaters, all that jazz. You might be an adult with consistent access to a private bedroom, but that doesn't mean you should stop being risky for the sake of getting off. 

Try something weird 

Take it from me: There's something inexplicably powerful about leaning into weird. Not into roleplay? Give it a go. Never tried watching a porn parody? Try that too. Do sex swings feel like too much to you? Buy one.  

Always wear good underwear 

This is a trick my mother taught me that has always served me well. You technically never, ever know when you're going to get laid, and you always want to be prepared. Beyond that (and this goes for guys too), your partner will appreciate your consideration and excitement.

With that, go forth into 2016. And conquer.