Craigslist Casual Encounters: Kentucky and West Virginia

It's been awhile since Tucker Bankshot last posted one of his legendary "Don't Take It Personally" pieces, and in honor of the column, I decided to have a little fun perusing the dark depths of Craigslist my self - with a geographic focus, of course. Enjoy, Fleshlings: 

I mean, what kind of ice skates are we talking about? Why does this guy have so many? And perhaps most importantly, are ice skates considered a necessity? 

I was honestly hoping that was a typo for rhyming. 

My best guess is that he means cock, but who am I to make assumptions? Somewhere out there, you can probably at least watch someone insert a watch. 

I am very oral, too.

I am never in favor of fetish shaming, but creating and then having to care for an actual child seems like it might be a bit of a boner killer.

This, friends, is a great way to get murdered. 

Serious question: How do you snatch the panties off someone as they're walking by? I'm having difficulty making a mental image of this one.