Best of “Best of Craigslist”

Once again, we're indebted to Viviane of Viviane's Sex Carnival for doing the dirty work and combing through the muck and mire of Craigslist for us to find what else is going on underneath that seemingly placid surface of apartment sublets and used computer equipment. It isn't always pretty, but trust us: the next time you use a public toilet, break up with a lover, or fall in love with someone who's having a seizure at your local Walgreen's you'll take comfort in the fact that there were those who've gone before.

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you looked sexy even though - m4w (Portland)
...you were having a seizure. it was in the hair care section at the Vancouver walgreens. i was the guy in the blue shirt holding your legs while that old man put his wallet in your mouth. let's get together when you're feeling less woozy"

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To fake Russian girls on line (San Francisco)
Dear Russian girl posers:
I'm not sure exactly how successful your little racket is, sending out carefully crafted emails in broken English to guys with personal ads at various sites. But let me give you some advice to improve your business model and marketing techniques, and maybe you can send me a commission percentage if my suggestions work out for you ... "

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RANT: The Rules of Breaking Up (San Diego)
"There seems to have been some confusion regarding division of property and space since we have broken up. YOU, hereafter referred to as the Dumper, do not retain the same rights to such things as ME, hereafter referred to as the Dumpee. Clearly the Dumpee has been wronged (except in certain situations, see Section 1(b) below), and thus retains more rights than the Dumper. To clarify, I have assembled a crack legal team to outline this document, so that you will quit being a complete and total prick. Actually, not all of these things apply to us, but for the sake of friends, family, and members of the general public who have also been Dumped, I've included other situations ..."

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The Effects of Celibacy (Austin)
"It has been less than a month since I broke up with my boyfriend, and it has been that long since I've gotten any sexual action. I'm not complaining. I've gone far longer without sex, and I'm sure there are many of you out there that have as well. In an effort to avoid sexual casualties, I'm not having meaningless, frivolous sex. I shall abstain ..."

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Ladies, Lift the Seat! (Portland)
"Hoping that I will not be evicted from the female gender by writing this, I must reveal the shame that the Western woman carries with herself daily as she roams the frontier that is the public restroom. For, while prim and proper in her own private toilet, insisting that the toilet paper dispenses over the roll rather than under and castigating any poor male family member for leaving the seat in the upright position, the same said woman will indeed piss all over any public toilet seat and leave the mess for the next unfortunate visitor..."

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1001 reasons why you wanna be my boyfriend - 30 (Seattle)
I didn't vote for either George Bush
April 2oth is my New Years
I don't tear the tags off my mattresses til I get home
I always stop to pet dogs outside of grocery stores
I'm likely to have a different hair color every time you see me
I'm slippery when wet
I only use the rail when I walk down the stairs 30% of the time ( I
love to walk the line ya know)
I've never read Playboy for the articles
I'll make you laugh
I've never been in one of Tommy Lee's movies
I'll never under cook the eggs
I'll never drink your last beer
I can make a mean pot of chili
I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that chick with the big boobs
I'll always be impressed with how strong you are
I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops"

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