The Weekly Mindfuck: Why Porn Descriptions Matter

Let's talk about non-consensual slurs in porn

I have quite a bit of empathy for people trying to make sense of what is and isn't OK when it comes to sex and porn. BDSM is perfectly ethical when all parties are on board and some people genuinely get off to being called "sluts" and "whores" - but then it's also considered abusive to use any kind of slurs, particularly toward women and minorities, despite this. It might seem like healthy behavior and consent should be clear, distinct concepts, but many people just don't see it that way. 

You all know I love porn, but I'll be honest with you - I have a really difficult time defending the adult industry when it comes to the titles and descriptions of porn videos. You know the ones I'm talking about: "Virgin slut gets anally destroyed," "Cock-sucking MILF takes a brutal ramming," "Teen slut begs for hot facial," "Whore picked up in parking lot and DPed by rough strangers." Sure, some of these are kink or fetish themed and meant to invoke many male AND female feelings of submission, domination, and so much more. In those instances, I can see how it's totally harmless, and yes - necessary. People really have those kinks, and with movies like 50 Shades of Grey out there, often feel like they must be ruined or broken when they're not. 

The issue, however, is that it's not just kink or fetish themed videos that feature these kinds of slurs. In fact, the scenes where the woman (or man) performing is actively getting off to abuse and submission are few and far between on mainstream/tube sites and are rarely as graphic as the ones that aren't. If the scene is shot in a dungeon with a ball gag, I can see why it might be called "Cum slut gets face fucked." But when it's done outside the BDSM/kink context? It's not just verbally abusive and derogatory - it perpetuates the kind of language and verbal abuse that gets women mentions like "Suck my cock, stupid whore," and "Your pussy should get annihilated for that, slut" when they tweet about unrelated things like, I don't know, sports. 

Porn as a whole is absolutely not the enemy, but it has a responsibility that has been routinely ignored by both the parts of the adult industry who only want to make a quick buck (which is not a reflection of the whole thing) and the general public. Porn will never be a good substitute for real sex education, but young men ARE learning how to relate to women in a sexual context by what they see and read on tube sites and beyond. Where do you think internet trolls learn to inflict insults toward the opposite sex? It's not Buzzfeed, I can tell you that. 

Most of the porn I write about, watch for work, watch at home, and recommend to others is the kind that knows when it's appropriate to engage in a little kink-specific name calling but still show respect and represent consent, and most of it knows that a vanilla video of a woman giving head should never include the words slut, whore, and bitch, or destroy, force, or choke. But most sites, particularly the big money-churners? They the remain the biggest issue, and they're sadly the most accessible for an otherwise porn illiterate population.

Honestly, until we rectify the way we talk about women in mainstream content, we can't even touch the issue of getting female pleasure anatomically correct on-camera. And we certainly can't hope that the strangers who disagree with us in any forum online will stop responding with things like, "I'm gonna bend you over and teach you a lesson, you ugly cunt."