Only in Florida: When the Music Takes Hold

Dance Like No One Is Watching and Break Stuff After You Masturbate

In my weekly column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.  

We’ve all had it happen to us—you put on your favorite album by your favorite band, and before you know it, the music takes over and you are dancing, even though you don’t dance, singing even though you can’t sing, and in the case of Florida resident William Timothy Anderson Thomas, when the music takes over, you can’t just sit there and masturbate—you have to break stuff.  

Some residents of Largo, Florida noticed a shirtless and kind of dirty man smashing a mailbox. When police arrived they noticed that along with the mailbox, both a real estate sign and a decorative garden angel were also destroyed, a window was broken, and a tire was flattened. When the officers questioned Thomas, he admitted it was and gave them a great reason as to why:  

"Officers said Thomas admitted causing the destruction. They claim he told them 'he had listened to too much music and masturbated too much and he felt like going out and destroying stuff.'"  

Sadly, the officers didn’t mention what music Thomas was choking his chicken and smashing some mailboxes to, but if I had to guess, I would say Cannibal Corpse, Napalm Death, or .38 Special.  

I mean, who hasn’t been there, am I right? When the music hits you just right, there is nothing you can do. You just have to go with the flow.

Via The Huffington Post