Only in Florida: Nice Cock-Stume

May 18, 2016
JACK-BLACKBUSH

Does Anyone Need a Reminder That Donald Trump Is a Dick?

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

Even though we say it every four years, this is one of the strangest election cycles ever. It’s made even weirder by the fact that a reality television star, liar, bad businessman, racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, and all around bully is at the top of the major party's ticket. While this news might be a little hard for some to cope with, others see it as an opportunity to walk around in a giant penis costume.

As if people needed a reminder that Donald Trump is a dick, the Florida Church of Satanic Activism decided to dress up in a penis “cock-stume” (as they called it) and hang out a Trump rally back in March.

One can imagine that wearing a giant penis costume with Donald Trump’s face on it at a Trump rally might be . . . strange? Trouble? A bad idea? The best, most greatest, ‘yugest idea of all time? As Chaz Steven, the leader of the Church of Satanic Activism put it to the Huffington Post:

“It was surreal. The guy in the costume walks 100 feet when suddenly you hear, ‘Is that a 6-foot-tall penis? You have to understand, this is a tight costume and the testicle waddle.”

And since it’s a Trump rally, people feel threatened by violence because, you know, there might a Mexican in there.

“People said we had no right to be there, even though we were doing everything legal.”

Of course, a Trump supporter tried to tear the mask off the giant penis while proclaiming his intentions to “tear the costume to shreds,” but Stevens was able to convince him otherwise. You know, for people who claim to be so tough, they are pretty damn sensitive when someone makes fun of them.

The Trump campaign remained silent on the giant penis Trump, which seems odd because Trump likes to talk about this penis while running for President of the United States.

I do hope the Florida Church of Satanic Activism is planning on taking a trip to Cleveland for the convention, or maybe a local chapter could take up arms, or should I say take up the cock-stume.