Porn Valley Dispatch: Milk My Wife, Please

We all know that "Love, American Style" begat "Happy Days" and, ultimately, "Mork and Mindy" and "Joanie Loves Chachi". We also know that "All in the Family", itself a retread of a British comedy series, eventually resulted in four sitcoms as well as Danielle Brisebois. But porn works differently, in a process I like to call milking. Read more after the gap.- G. Ponante

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Milking is when a porn movie takes a plot, a font, a hair color, and/or a title (but otherwise little else) from a mainstream source. Recent examples include "Devil in a Goo Dress", "Schindler's Fist", and "Mr. Holland's Anus," all of which I made up because I lack any scholarly motivation. But you get the point.

But ABC's "Desperate Housewives" has lactated the most, with at least five titles in the past year, including Sex Z Pictures' "Desperate Wives", Cal Vista's "Deviant Wives", and, making no mistake, Hustler's "Desperate Housewhores".

"I got the whole thing—the little California compound, the hair, the characters," "Desperate Wives'" director Roy Karch said. Karch also directed the sequel. "It's more entertaining than the actual show."

Viewers can judge that on their iPods, of course, but before that, here's another term: Curdling, which is when porn jumps on the bandwagon of a mainstream project that's already been milked.

"You think people in porn would recognize a dead horse," said a Porn Valley publicist, indulging in weekly doubts about his career choice.

(Oh, but they do. But that, of course, is a different story.)

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Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive, "Desperate Wives", "Desperate"ly Seeking Nicolette Sheridan