Only in Florida: Also Known As

July 27, 2016
JACK-BLACKBUSH

When You Find the Perfect Alias, It's Pure Magic

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

No doubt many of us have thought about what kind of alias we’d use if we were actors, writers, master criminals, and of course, porn stars. Me, I’d go with Bucky Chaps, but that’s probably because I always wanted to be a cowboy. There are some great aliases out there, but I think they will all become second tier because of Largo, Florida, resident Jeffrey Forrest Poole’s alias.

Dickface Johnson.

Yes, you heard me correctly, Jeffrey Forrest Poole AKA Dickface Johnson.

After arriving at Mr. Dickface Johnson’s home for a report of domestic disturbance, Mr. Dickface Johnson was upset at the police and proclaimed: “I will beat every cop’s ass!”

Then Poole “raised his right fist and began to extend it towards my face in an attempt to strike me,” the arresting officer wrote, according to The Smoking Gun.

Upon his arrest on charges of assaulting a police officer and violently resisting a police office, Mr. Dickface Johnson was taken to jail where the police learned of his fantastic alias. Yes, this wasn’t the first time Mr. Dickface Johnson had had a run in with the law.

Coming up with a great alias is a bit of a challenge, but when you find the right one, you know. You know, maybe it's not an alias, maybe it's a nickname someone gave him. I mean, he does kind of look like a Dickface Johnson. So, whether he came up with it or the name was given to him, hats off you, to Jeffrey Forrest Poole AKA Dickface Johnson. You have the best alias ever.