The Weekly Mindfuck: Watching

I've had this new fascination during sex. I don't know why or when it began, necessarily, though it's an era ushered in by my latest partner. That's the funny thing about life - sometimes you suddenly notice things that have been right in front of you the whole time when you're given the right stimulus. 

For me, it's been penetration. Not noticing that I'm having it, of course, and it's not that I've been unfamiliar with the mechanics of sex. It's watching the penetration that fascinates me - the sometimes slow and sometimes fast insertion I can see when I'm flat on my back or sitting on the ledge of the counter with my hands gripping the undersides of my knees. One day, I leaned up a little and looked down, my eyes looking for the place I was experiencing so much pleasure, and it was suddenly so hot. I haven't stopped since.

Part of my fascination lies in the way my body spreads. A hole normally so small when unoccupied spreads gloriously when someone is inside you, which is an amazing thing to watch in and of itself, a blooming of sorts that you probably never anticipated. Then there's the vulnerability of the whole thing - not even we can see inside our vaginas, making sex sometimes seem more like a magic trick than a reproductive process. To give someone access to your most tender, secluded bits is about as intimate as it gets, and I love the feeling of rescinding so much control to someone. The power of my partner plays into it, too; to watch someone's hips thrust, hard and fast, while his equally hard cock is inside is a mesmerizing show of masculinity, particularly when he starts to speed up and his breathing becomes ragged. 

If I had to sum it up, I'd say it's half presence and half proof. To be so in tune with all the sensations while closely observing the cause and effect of in, out, in, out, seems clinical, but for some odd reason, is incredibly heady.

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