Skip the Scarf: Give the Gift of Sexual Enlightenment This Holiday Season

'Tis the season for holiday gift guides, and as an editor I'd be remiss not to throw my own into the ring. Here's the thing, though: I'm all for toys and lingerie and lube galore - Holly Kingstown recently published a great toy roundup that functions as a wonderful product guide - but I thought I might approach sex-themed gifts from an alternative angle as well.

I own dozens of sex toys, but I often find the most liberating tool in your sexual arsenal is knowledge - about your body, your mind, and the nuances of sexuality as a whole so that you might do the impossible and craft yourself a sex life that's enlightening and fulfilling in any kind of sexual partnership. In the realm of self-study, your best assets are books, and these are my favorite. Give them to yourself, to your partner, to your best friend, uncle, aunt, brother, or cousin - this literature from leading experts is likely to do them far more good than Bed Bath & Beyond's latest salad spinner: 

Come As You Are - Emily Nagoski

This isn't called a master class in the science of sex for no reason, folks - there are so many reasons this book is incredible, but it's perhaps the explanation of our dual control model - our sexual "accelerators" and "breaks" - and how you can work with it to create both an incredible sex drive and fulfilling sex life that makes this a must-read. Its primary demographic is women, but I'd highly recommend this for men too - not only will it teach you a lot about your own sex drive, but it will help you get in the minds of women too. 

Mating in Captivity - Esther Perel

As you guys know, I'm a huge Esther Perel fangirl, and Mating in Captivity has been translated in an outrageous number of languages because of how universally applicable it is. The main takeaway? Having a loving long-term relationship isn't at odds with hot sex or novelty if you understand the concepts comprehensively enough. 

The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene

While I would advise against gifting this one to your wife, it's a book that's already regarded as a classic - and it's not just for helping your buddy work on his pickup game. Seduction gets a bad rap, but it's a good technique to employ even inside of marriage and helps you employ the nuances of psychology that can help sustain the heat in a relationship. It's also a great tribute to why rolling on top of your partner with no finesse isn't always a universal turn on. 

Sex at Dawn - Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá

This book is often described as controversial, sadly only because of the society we live in - but it's key for juxtaposing the origins of sexuality and how religion, politics, and family expectations have molded the way we perceive it. Getting back to our roots isn't practical in every single way, but it will help you get a firmer grip on many of the thoughts, feelings, and fantasies you already have. 

She Comes First/Passionista - Ian Kerner

"She Comes First" topped the charts for years - because Ian Kerner is just that good. The acclaimed therapist has written many a book, but these two make for a great pair. They're called "thinking man's" and "thinking woman's" guides, but that's because your best tool for great sex (say it with me now) isn't so much a position how-to as it is an understanding of how your partner's brain and sexuality work. It may come as a shock that we are all different and that many factors affect the hows and whens of our sex lives.

Your Brain on Sex - Stanley Siegel

This book blew my mind - that's how innovative it is. "Your Brain on Sex" takes a specific approach toward the science of sex: Your mind eroticizes certain things for a reason, and it's important to participate in the kinds of (consensual) sex you fantasize about because of its healing and fulfilling properties. If you've always wanted to know why you like getting choked or what it is about blue-eyed women that turns you on, this book is for you.

If you've read any of these books yourself - or if I've left any off the list - let me know!  

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Questions, comments, or concerns? You can contact the author at [email protected].