Only in Florida: Slow and Steady Wins the Race

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

If I can be frank here, when it comes to self-satisfaction, we all have a certain way we like it. Some like it loose with a twist, others like it fast with a tight grip, but no matter how you like it, as long as you do it in the privacy of your own home or with others with their full consent, as long as it works, then there's no problem. But it's important to remember that it's about pleasure, it should be an enjoyable experience for you (and anyone else involved). For one Florida Man, it would seem that time was a factor. Ryan Rathmann was arrested on January 11th for Indecent Exposure charges for pulling up next to a woman in the Winn Dixie parking while choking his chicken.

Now this seems like nothing more than a run of the mill public masturbation incident, but what sets Mr. Rathmann apart was the way he was playing the skin flute.

The victim told officers that she was walking across the parking lot near the grocery store that day at around 6 p.m. when she noticed a tan Honda slowly driving past her. The victim claimed that as she saw the car drive by, she looked in at the driver and witnessed him masturbating “vigorously” with his pants down, the arrest report stated. The victim stated that the suspect was allegedly masturbating so hard that “she felt he was going to pull his penis off”, the report indicated.

"She felt"... How hard and fast one must be going to have someone else "feel" that it was too fast? Hey, we've all been there. You are trying to rub one out in a hurry, but still don't give yourself Indian Rugburn on your who-who dilly. Though, I think we should give Mr. Rathmann some credit for no only driving with one hand, but with his pants pulled down as well.

You got to do you the way you like it, but I also try to remember it's for pleasure. You're not trying to win a race.

Via SouthSantaRosaNews.com