A Very Long List of Things That Turn Women on More Than a Man Cleaning

Mr. Clean recently released a Super Bowl ad that I imagine they find very cute and very funny, but OH MY GOD I am so tired of reading articles that say turning a woman on is as easy as contributing to the cleanliness of the house you live in because 1) you live there, 2) you live there, and 3) cleaning is not sexy or sexual. Not even a little. Will it make her more likely to continue cohabitating with you? Sure. But she isn't going to jump your bones for it unless you do it naked with a hard on. 

Here's the spot: 

It is, in fact, so unlikely to swell a woman's lady parts up that I've decided to compile a list of things more likely to serve as seduction:

1. Making out with her.
2. Telling her how much you love her body.
3. Kissing her neck.
4. Sending her hot texts during the day.
5. Dimming the lights in your room.
6. Picking out a nice wine for you two to share later.
7. Picking up a sexy game.
8. Putting on porn.
9. A little extra grooming when you know you wanna get it in. 
10. Planning a dance class, cooking class, etc. together. 
11. Making a sexy dinner. 
12. Caressing her while you're watching a movie.
13. Idk, rubbing her clit.
14. Keep rubbing.
15. Keeeeeeep rubbing!
16. Wow, it almost seems like the secret to all this is foreplay.
17. Other things will work, too.
18. Like showering.
19. Washing your boxers.
20. Not because you're cleaning - but because you'll have clean boxers on. 
21. Taking a break from your phone to give her personal attention.
22. Taking a break from TV.  
23. Giving her a sexy massage. 
24. Buying her flowers. 

But, you know, if you really want to delve into the realm of non-sexual/unsexy activities that might inspire another human to sleep with them, I've got that for you too: 

1. Buying her a puppy. 
2. Just kidding. 
3. (I'm not.)
4. Telling her to take some much-deserved relaxation for the morning and do all the cleaning yourself. 
5. Sending her nice texts throughout the day.
6. Or a card, or lunch, idk, it's up to you. 
7. Making breakfast in bed. 

You get my point - this isn't at all a man vs. woman thing - it's simply that cleaning the house is not sexual and is not going to activate the Mysterious Female Sex Drive, and even if it would, there's nothing sexy about us contributing to our lives the way we're supposed to. The word for that is accountability, and it is sadly not an aphrodisiac. Attentiveness, though? That one is. 

Colette out.